The Blog that's not always wrong.

Saturday, 31 May 2008

Hot news and transfer round-up

GARETH BARRY is pleased to announce that he has appointed S.Gerrard as his new agent and that he will play for Aston Villa and Liverpool next season.The FA are taking this into account in arranging the fixture schedule.Barry will not be permitted to play against himself however and this could jeopardise the arrangement.

DIMITAR BERBATOV and his agent have been abducted by aliens,this explains the lack of bids for the player and the puzzling silence since the end of the season.There are rumours that he will play for "Dark side United" next season despite being offered a new contract at Tottenham.His agent beamed a message via satelite saying that the favourable £/moon dust exchange rate made the deal a certainty,probably.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR have been given permission to play with 15 players next season as they have been linked with so many people.FA officials have argued that since teams seem to play better with ten men having 15 will be a positive disadvantage.

NEWCASTLE will only play with 8 players next season as nobody wants to play for them and so many players are leaving.FA officials say that this will give them an advantage(see announcement above re teams playing better with ten men) and they will start a goal down in away matches and two down at home.

ARSENAL have been invited to play in the French league next season.

ANGER MANAGEMENT is a new company formed under the aegis of Sir Alec Ferguson.He is quoted as saying that Wayne Rooney has a long way to go before he has any hope of reaching the levels achieved by Sir Alec himself.
Joey Barton has been appointed a senior lecturer in off the pitch activities and Robbie Savage a consultant in the "putting yourself about" department.Rooney himself has enrolled and his first year topic will be "Referees and how to abuse them."(without getting sent off)John Terry is already Emeritus Professor in this discipline.Sorry that should be in this lack of discipline.

AVRAM GRANT and SVEN-GORAN ERIKSSON will star in a new show called "Ungrateful Foreign Bastards we have met".The opening number will be a rewrite of the old Music Hall favourite "What do we have to do, for fuck's sake, to keep our jobs?" Martin Jol and all the Real Madrid managers who have ever won La Liga are rumoured to be in the chorus.

STEVE McLAREN had been hoping to be appointed appointed caretaker manager at Man.City until Thaksiswhatisname decided that Hughes is to be sacked next season. Sorry mix-up on the agency wires.That should read, ' Steve Mclaren had been hoping to be appointed caretaker at Man.City'

RONALDO has just read this blog and wants to play for both Real Madrid and season.In the event of the teams being drawn against each other in the Champions' Leaque,Ronaldo will have a penalty shoot out with himself to decide which side he plays for.(JimmyG2 says that this is a damn silly idea and it just wont work.Sir Alex is livid.No change there then)

LIVERPOOL have been invited to play in the Spanish League next season.

THE FA have announced that they will run English classes for managers next season. They hope to extend this to foreign managers in the near future.Any club employing a non English speaking manager with a Uruguan acting as interpreter and a French Director of Football will be in line for a very very big grant.

Thursday, 29 May 2008

Pantomime season opens early

Whats with the Widow Twanky socks? Now I realise that there are only a limited number of changes you can make to a blue and white strip but hooped socks?I don't think so.We would be better off borrowing the magic lamp and getting three wishes.I'd blow all three on keeping Berbatov but I expect the world will go on without him.

A Limited number of changes that is unless you can come up with some marketing wheeze to allow you to dip into the fan's pockets without the Old Bill feeling your collar.You know,like the 125th.anniversary strip,only worn once mate,good as new.Who ever heard of a 125th anniversary in any case?Or the final season at the old stadium strip which our North London neighbours came up with.What about the special commemorative strip for the last time that season ticket prices went down?I think that would sell.The trouble is they all sell:fans buy them and they know it.

Personally I like the all white strip:single colours are very flattering for the fuller figure,Huddlestone looks positively sylph like in all white, and if its good enough for Real Madrid its good enough for me.It never did Leeds any harm either when they were carrying all before them.We know why they change strips every year:revenue.But really its a rip off and totally unneccesary.Isnt their something nostalgic for the fans in the team wearing the same kit year in and year out?Doesnt it help the supporters identify with the team,or the product as they say in marketing.And on a practical level it might be the cause of so many misplaced passes,the lads don't know what colours we're in this week.

I think there aught to be a vote amongst the fans as to which kit is their all-time favourite and then we go with that for a minimum of three years and then vote whether we want to change it.Ive already cast mine for all white.Away kit would be dark blue shirts,white shorts and white(not hooped)socks.

Of course we have had a bit of a pantomime season so this might be Levy's little joke to amuse the lads and show the fans that hes not just a calculating revenue machine but a warm human being.Somebody after all has got to try to cheer up Joe Lewis after the financial disasters he has endured on the U.S.stock market.Hooped socks might just be the thing.

Friday, 16 May 2008

Not with a bang

As T.S.Eliot said "This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang,but a whimper."
Now he died in 1965,and wasn't even a Spurs fan,but accurately summed up the end of our season.How did he do that?I missed the Liverpool game though "missed" is only true in the sense that I didnt see the match,I apparently didnt "miss" anything.
So what is the final judgement on the season?We won silverware;upgraded our manager;bought two excellent players in January and another before the end of the season;we beat Arsenal in some style;beat Chelsea with grit and determination and some style;played well against good teams;were within a kick of going through in the UEFA cup,and played some good football at times.The future is bright,the future is Lilywhite in many ways.

But the enduring feeling is disappointment, particularly as the final phase of the season since the Carling Cup has been so uninspiring.Now we are faced with the prospect of losing Berbatov,the best player seen at Tottenham for some years,because in a sense we let him down,we didnt make the grade when we had every chance.More than that though is the prospect of one,or probably two more years of re-building under a manager who is likely to want to do some serious re-structuring.

Some fans will say "good riddance to Berbatov",on the grounds of his attitude and will still demand instant success.I disagree with both of these views:I dont mind players with attitude if they are good enough and crave good football over success.I am hopeful that good players,playing good football,will bring success and am quite prepared to wait for the top prizes,for ever if needs be.In the meantime I want to be entertained,to be proud of the team and what it does and do not want us buy our silverware,or clog and cheat our way to the top.

There are other worrying problems on the Ramos agenda.The main one has been his inability to motivate the players for the final games of the season.Others include our inabilty to hold on to winning positions and our appalling away record.However the blackest moments of the season were not in our performances but in the Jol sacking saga,an inept and underhand process which reflects badly on the values of the people running the club.

So to next season,what do I hope for?First that Berbatov stays,which is a possibility if Ramos wants him to and the club hold out for their high valuation.The perception of him as moody and even lazy might help us here.That Ledley returns to fitness and puts in a full season along with Gareth Bale.That Modric is as good and as tough as he seems to be..That we continue to sign talented youngsters and to give our own younger players a chance.I include Dawson,Lennon and Huddleston in this catagory.We need one or two new experienced players in key positions but the more we change the squad the longer the transition will take

On a wider level I would like to see a wage cap on the Premiership or,if this is deemed illegal,a 10%levy on all Premiership players,the money to go into the funding of Academies.I would also like to see a limit on the number of Non-British players permitted to be fielded by any club in any given match(say 5)in order to prevent a team in the English Premier league fielding a team and a bench with not one British player.Finally I would love to see Spurs in the Champions league playing dazzling football at their new 60,000 stadium with Season Ticket and gate prices cut by 20% on current values and in the same kit for a minimum of three seasons.

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

The gloves are off.

Now then let me see.A few facts.All the players who usually wear gloves were absent from the team on Saturday against Reading.A little dash of rumour.At least two of these players are strongly tipped to be leaving the club;Ramos has been laying down the law to the first team squad about effort,fitness,diet and anything else you can think of.A little bit of double meaning."Off" meaning not in the side today ,or leaving the club.Catchy headline and their you have it a genuine copy of a back page football article.

Now Lennon and Berbatov were injured and Gilberto is fit and filling the position he was bought for ,left back.Never let the facts get in the way of a good story as they say on Fleet St. or wherever they cobble together their rubbish.How much of this we are going to have to put up with I dread to think.I see today we are linked with Diarra,Eto,Capel,Gattuso,and Uncle Tom Cobley.

But to return to the real world and for the first time for several games I managed to watch
the game on an excellent stream from Sopcast and was delighted with an away win and a clean sheet.The linesman ruled a good second goal out for offside;Darren Bent had a better game and was unlucky not to score.Everyone except perhaps Huddleston played well and for an hour we dominated the match and played some excellent football.The goal ,set up by the strength of Bent and his delicate final ball to Keane,who had recovered from being fouled and floored in midfield,and who glided past two defenders and scored with a deft touch into the corner was as good as any Ive seen this season.We faded a little in the last half hour and Cerny made two good saves to secure the victory.

In my new end of season relaxed mode I have given up berating the team and worrying about Berbatov and in truth we played well without him though against poor opposition.And so its on to the last game of the season at home to Liverpool.Nothing left to worry about except the new stadium which has surfaced again,comings and goings in the transfer market,where Modric is going to play(still unresolved from last week)whether to subscribe to THFCtv,whether Ledley will be able to put in a full season and so on.Before you know it it will be pre-season and it all begins again.I cant wait.