Being upbeat and positive is really getting me down: backing Ramos; supporting Jenas; praising Modric whenever he makes a pass; raving about about Gomes as he tries single handedly to wipe out our defence; finding excuses for Bale and Dawson; its all wearing me out.
Would it be easier to join the Levy, Comolli, Ramos, Jenas and Zokora 'out' brigade, join the protesters, and tear up my virtual season ticket? It might be more fun and at least I would have a few friends.
Trying to talk up our chances of survival and facing up to the 'R' word as even the Governor of the Bank of England and Gordon Brown have at last done is 'doing my head in'. Of course they are, in the famous phrase talking about, recession and not relegation. If only Spurs fans had Gordon's problems life would be so much easier.
Now even the Guardian has printed a whole page of recycled jokes about our plight, many revamped from West Ham's predicament of two years ago. As a Guardian reader of 50yrs, a little less than my support for Spurs I have nowhere to hide. We've even taken the heat off Newcastle. Who would have guessed that 'Joe' could be the answer to the question we dare not even ask, 'Who will save us from this nightmare?'
As Shakespeare said this has changed from a ' tragi-comedy ' into a 'comi-tragedy'. I misquote loosely of course. Well comrades we are not going to get any help. Fans who demand a human sacrifice may get Comolli's head but we're stuck with Levy who can't get his price having been struck by the double whammy of the falling Spurs share price and the falling Spurs league position. At least we can't fall any lower, until the end of the season anyway. Ramos is unlikely to be sacked as even Levy must realise that the last thing we need is more upheaval.
So positivity it is then. We wont go down although we could, obviously. I will snatch at each tiny sign of revival: 25 minutes of joined up football after we went down 1-0 down at Stoke; Lady Luck giving Bent an offside goal; I will look forward to each game believing that this one will be the turning point. That the manager and the players have the skills and experience to survive. That the catalogue of horrors that pretended to be a football match at Stoke cannot possibly be repeated. A match we surely would have won if Bale hadn't been sent off, wouldn't we?
My advice to fans is to stop whingeing, moaning, baying, feeling sorry for ourselves and thrashing about looking for someone to blame and get supporting. Starting of course with Bolton where what the team needs is a non stop barrage of support. They don't need a half cock, cock-eyed demo against Levy or booing at half-time, or at any time come to that. Don't play into the hands of the media who are loving it, this is a top story that they don't even have to make up.
No distractions in other words. Between now and January points on the board are all that matter and that will be decided out on the pitch with Ramos and the players we have. Levy and Comolli are irrelevant now. The players we sold and the ones we didn't buy are not an issue , important as they may seem on fan sites.
In some ways today's Uefa Cup game against Udinese is a side show except that it offers an opportunity to build momentum for the weekend with a good performance or even a win.
At the moment its not about what makes the fans feel better but what might make the team feel and hopefully play better.