I going to wake up soon and discover that the season hasn't started yet. I mean, three red cards and three penalties in two games. Well if that were to happen we would be well out of the Fair Play running for a start. Worst start ever in our history under a dynamic new manager with quality international signings from Croatia, Mexico, Brazil and everywhere.
Don't be ridiculous, its not going to happen, trust me. Neither is the ensuing panic, obviously, nor the screaming for heads to roll, as many and as quickly as possible. Nor the calls for the appointment of Roy Keane. I think that many other people must be dreaming too. Why would any employed, reputable manager come to Spurs if this scenario was true.
The other strand of nightmare is the baying for midfield destroyers and players with 'heart'. Presumably in place of the people that can actually play football, Jenas, Modric, and Giovani, for example. In my dream two of the committed , passion players, Dawson and O'Hara, have both been sent off in consecutive matches.
Hopes are being pinned on the January window if its not too late by then. But again the question arises who of quality would come to us, or wouldn't quality matter any more, as long as they have muscles bigger than their brains.
Not only am I convinced that I must be asleep but nasty conspiracy theories are swirling around in my head. The players have been brainwashed by an elite Arsenal team of counter intelligence agents, led by the 'sleeper' Comolli into committing acts of self destruction in order to bring the manager down. Bale, Dawson, Gomes and Ohara in the last two games alone, and Bentley taking a leaf out of the Ghaly, Kaboul songbook entitled 'Dis the manager and close the door behind you'
This theory is supported by the kind words in support of Ramos that Arsene Wenger uttered last week. I had my suspicions at the time and now its all falling into place. Berkamp is doing his coaching badges and would like to return to England. Asian billionaire beware when his CV arrives on your desk. Oh and Roy Keane's boyhood team was Spurs and my Mum had that Alan Sugar in the back of her cab last week.
No its obviously a dream, well alright, a nightmare but clearly the season is yet to get under way. We've just beaten Roma and I'm looking forward to the first match against Middlesbrough. I have confidently predicted that we will win by three clear goals and other hostages to fortune that could be embarrassing when we are a few matches down the line.
But how can it go wrong,with this team, this manager, and a terrific pre-season. I went to bed last night drooling with anticipation at the promise of it all.
Wake me up when it all kicks off.
And when I woke up it was late October ; we were bottom of the league; Ramos, Comolli, Poyet, and Alvarez had been sacked ; Harry Redknapp was manager and we beat Bolton 2-0 for our first win of the season. Ledley King played twice in four days. Levy had written a long love letter to the fans and nearly apologised.
I've seen the future and its Harry Redknapp. Oh well this time next year it will be 13 managers in the 13 years that Arsene Wenger has been manager down the road, but hopefully we will still be in the Premiership.
I switched off the alarm and went back to sleep. Must have been something I ate.