Sorry about last Saturday against Fulham. We forgot to turn up again.What with the credit crunch and us not knowing where our next Ferrari is coming from, and the friendly Internationals it just slipped our minds.
Tom is particularly annoyed as he was thinking of playing a blinder but while he was thinking about it you subbed him and he never got a chance really. Luka strained every fibre, literally, to score and now he's out for a fortnight so you see you can't be too careful. Jermaine realised the urgency and ran nearly half the pitch with the ball, but it was all too late. Ledley says that it definately said Sunday on his pre-match briefing sheet. This chopping and changing of days, and captains, is very confusing for us.
Its very difficult to play against teams with so many ex-Spurs players. Old mates and all that. Of course they have a point to prove and we clearly don't. That Danny Murphy eh, he never played like that when he was at Spurs. Perhaps in January we could ….no perhaps not.
Heurelho is particularly upset now that you've sacked the only man in the club, apart from you, that was talking to him. He saw the shot from Simon Davies all the way, into the net unfortunately, and says he doesn't get enough credit for the saves he does make. He says you told him to stay on the line and rely on his defenders to head the ball away but when Balesy couldn't beat Davies to a high ball we knew we were doomed.
The thing is Harry it was only Fulham,a moderate team at best. The lads seriously question whether there are enough top class sides in the Premiership to make it worth their while turning out week in week out. Linda Evangelista once famously said that she wouldn't get out of bed for less than $10 thousand dollars a day and the lads agreed.When it was pointed out that this was at 1986 prices and with the current exchange rate she was on twice as much as most of them they went very quiet One said something about getting into bed with Linda for that amount but thought that 45 minutes was plenty if not more than enough.The rest said Linda who?
What we want to say though,Harry, is that it was definately a one off. With the confidence you've instilled in us, putting this behind us we can go from strength to strength now, with no excuses and no turning back. We are really going to show you the effort and resolve you deserve and prove to you and all the fans that we are determined to...We cant read the rest of this PR media briefing but you get the drift.
The lads have asked me to say that we like this Tottenham family idea, you know bringing in all the old players to help us make the most of our enormous potential.One of the boys made a silly, crude and juvenile joke at this point which I won't bother you with. But with so many being recruited ,Tony Parks today we hear, we are getting a bit worried.Another 3or 4 and you will have enough to replace us completely, which is obviously not the idea.
Frazier is enjoying his stint with us although if he scores any more goals like the one at Fulham we won't be able to afford him even if he was for sale,which he isn't. David said that now he has had a proper one to one with his hair management adviser he should be back on track and ready to run fast even when its raining or windy without doing too much follicular damage.The lads were having a laugh drawing up a list of bald players we might sign in January to overcome the sort of problems that afflict David,Gareth,and even the mighty Berbatov. We will send it to you when we've got a few more players down.
It doesn't really matter, Harry, it was a long way across London to Fulham and we've got two home games coming up. We'll definitely be up for those, your £4million bonus is as safe as houses, although we note that house prices in London are predicted to fall 30% over the next two years and with negative equity. Only pulling your leg Harry just the lads' little joke. Seriously though, we don't think you should spend it just yet.
Yours as ever in hope