The Blog that's not always wrong.

Monday, 5 April 2010

Catastrophic ninety minutes at the workplace

Don't cry Darren. I'll swap you the three points for a hat-trick.

'Bad day at the office' doesn't quite capture it. 'Catastrophic 90minutes at the workplace' is closer. This was the day that half the staff phoned in sick, and the rest performed as if they were all going down with something catching: the dreaded lethargy probably. Head Office decided that our recent application for a branch upgrade was 'premature'; the water cooler had been filled with piranha fish; the Sunderland branch had not been notified how important our delegation was, and they just didn't realise who we were! Ricky Gervaise clearly wrote the unlikely script.

In all fairness we can't complain about the reception we were given as ex colleagues crowded round to give us a very warm welcome which we found a little overwhelming and which made the rest of the trip uncomfortable. Darren Bent an ex- employee scored the fastest goal in the Premiership all season and, no doubt, spent the evening 'tweeting' like a cage full of budgerigars. Not that I begrudge him his revenge after Harry's out of order public remarks about his abilities. He has scored goals wherever he has been, including Tottenham, and does what he does extremely well. He has been more prolific than Defoe over the last few seasons, generally playing in inferior teams. A one-trick pony perhaps but scoring goals is not a bad trick for a striker.

He should have scored four. Gomes gifted him the first goal. A header from an unmarked Cambell from a corner in the first minute was ineptly palmed straight to Bent who whacked it into the net. He would have set off on a rapturous tour of Sunderland and the North East had the pitch barriers not confined him. Young Cambell who came to us for work experience last year has added a disconcerting ability to his CV which involves falling over in the main reception area.

The rest is mystery. Walker was unlucky to handle a ball that bounced up from a Gomes save. Bent scored his second from the spot. Modric and Palacios, two of our senior executives, conceded two more penalties from elementary errors: an uneccesary tackle when Cambell had lost control of the ball and was heading down the back staircase to the 'Smoking Zone'; and a once trademark Palacios (Security) lunge when no real danger threatened. Gomes saved them both to partially spoil Darren's celebrations, but not completely.

The absence of Dawson, (Back Office Manager: Acting) proved an injury too far. Without him the back four performed as if they had never played together: which they haven't. Their average age was 22 and it showed. Tom Huddlestone, Creative Director, was sorely missed and Palacios playing 'through the pain' could not stem the tide of Sunderland's lively midfield.

Apart from Gomes nobody had a good game. Neither Bale nor Walker could get foreward with any threat: Bentley and Pavlyuchenko vied with each other for worst employee of the day award, although there were one or two more contestants for that: Ekotto and Kaboul were among the front runners.

Gordon confirmed his reputation with a couple of saves and Gudjohnsen was unlucky from a close range prod from a Bentley cross that hit the keeper's arm. Defoe rolled one wide and that was about it. They had a goal disallowed which appears on the next meeting's agenda under 'contentious issues outstanding'. Crouch's goal could easily have been ruled out of order for 'unfair working practices'. We are fortunate to be still clinging onto hopes for the prestigious European contract which has been a major concern of the management.

What does this all mean?. Primarily that our fate is no longer in our own hands. City have 4 out of their 6 remaining fixtures at home, including us. There will probably be more twists and turns and it is a difficult choice between them and Liverpool who we would prefer to qualify if we don't quite make it ourselves: the return of the old order, or the power of money.

As we play the current top three and City we could decide not only our own fate but that of the Premiership title. We each have to decide for ourselves whether a Cup Final appearance and fifth is just reward for an excellent season. A single loss away from home doesn't change everything but many fans have gone from euphoric to suicidal in 90 minutes. It doesn't mean that we have blown our 'once in a lifetime' chance to make the Champions' League as some assert; we can improve and make progress as we have done this year.

It was not all bad news. A counter bid for our European contract by a Liverpool company foundered when their bus en route for Europe broke down at Birmingham and they seem to have missed the deadline.

Apparently in view of the injuries at both Portsmouth and Spurs Harry is offering to play next week's semi as a five-a-side game on a half pitch at Wembley. Avram is not certain that they can raise a squad even for this and permission is not yet forthcoming from the authorities. You couldn't make it up.
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Anonymous said...

Darren Child Bent was the one making out of order public remarks not Harry

He only scores because he is the sole target man and the fact that Sunderland's next best scorer only has 8 says it all

spud said...

Great write up Jimmy, can't help feeling you're being a little too kind on Bent though. Judging him as a player I don't dislike him, but he's too precious and a bit of a pleb who needs to get over himself.

I do completely agree with you on the feeling of despair currently felt by a number of fans. This squad had won five games in a row prior to this game and we should hopefully have some important bodies back soon to fill a few gaps.

April is going to be massive for us COYS!

Yvonne said...

Fool if you think it isn't over.

Dear JimmyG2, I often used to have a dig at you when I read your comments on how, as a club, we could in no way compete, or even hope to finish 4th (you said this earlier in this season). I disagreed then, and I'll disagree right now. Oh how times change. Not for me the triteness of hindsight, no.

Your sudden turnabout on our fortunes is naivity in action. For someone of your advancing years, you ought to be aware of our penchant to fuck things up and bottle it when the games count most.

Anyone who watches The game without complete bias will tell you that we'll fuck 4th and lose in The Cup final.

Ever the optimist,


elwehbi@ibleedhotspur said...

Wow Yvonne or TMWNN! A bit harsh there.

I don't think many of us could have predicted where we currently sit in the table. There are 2 ways to look at the Sunderland loss:

1) This is the end of the road
2) We could bounce back stronger than ever

For now, I'm going with option 2. Care to join?

LemonadeMoney said...

The Man With a Nancies Name?

JimmyG2 said...

TMWNN If you can quote where I doubted our ability or the possibility of achieving top four this year I will apologise and blame senility.

I have been very upbeat this season under the slogan 'I'm lovin'it.
It's true that I don't crave success or think that top four or a Cup Final place or win are absolutely necessary signs of achieving it.

I want good football, define it how you like,playing the 'Tottenham' way in the right spirit, with progress and stability: no short cuts or quick fixes and I am delighted with this season, whatever happens now, and have said so many times.

Clever stuff

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JimmyG2 said...

Thanks mate for your support.
Not sure what you're on about though but keep reading anyway.

I'm only compensating for the rough ride he was given as a Spur's player.Still outscoring Defoe, but I'm not saying I would swap them.

I havn't heard the fat lady sing yet.

Anonymous said...

Any time Spurs lose all the crazies come out worse than a full moon on Halloween night in a house full of zombies.

galvinwasgod said...

i think ledders and wooders have got to shit or get off the pot. it's the revolving door centre half syndrome that may eventually cost us 4th spot. you can't makeshift your way to the champions league, those 6 points tossed to the wind (wolves/stoke) - add them to our total now and we could relax and light a cigar

JimmyG2 said...

Anon 15:00
Nicely put sir.

I think that this will have to be resolved over the summer and an experianced centre half brought in. Dawson should be made captain.
Kaboul is ok as general back up but nothing more.
Bassong has settled reasonably well but again is probably only good as back-up rather than first choice.
Galvin was God? that's going a bit far.

galvinwasgod said...

agreed on daws,But our champions league status (in or out) will have a direct bearing on the quality of the centre half whose services we hope to secure. he has to be better than or at least as good as anything we have already. Its more likely we can cherry pick the best from the world cup beauty pageant if we can offer CL football. Perhaps we could re-acquire those 6 points from Stoke and Wolves who are out of danger and don't need them as much as we do. I'll bung in a fiver.

alwyn said...

Some folks here are saying Portsmouth will trash us - how dare they. we've got their ex-mgr, their ex-strikers, their ex-midfielder, everything but the waterboy.

still, i wouldn't bet more than RM20 - that's about 4 pound sterling if you're counting - on a Spurs win (much as i want to see it happen). i only hope the team that lost last weekend won't appear, and we'll in fact have the team that beat Fulham.

JimmyG2 said...

Nicely put.
I was once told by a sour Spurs old-timer that you never lost money betting against Spurs.

However it's your life savings so give it ago.

We've beaten them twice this season already, but you won't get very good odds.

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