Miscellany: a mixture; a medley. Medley: a mixture, a miscellany.
So there you have it, that's what this is. It's a word they use especially at Xmas to describe a book which is a rag-bag, a hotch potch, of unrelated topics with no theme or organisation. A weasel word that covers a multitude of sins. It's the odds and sods left over but too good to throw away. It's how stuffing, gravy and mince pies came to be invented.
'Not much different to any of your other offerings Jimbo' I hear you mumble unkindly. Well don't blame the messenger love, there's bugger all happening. And so to prove you wrong firstly I'm going to put all these tit-bits into alphabetical order, ever the poor man's thematic structure, and secondly, I'm going to rank them in order of likelihood; the bookmaker's configuration. Actually it's impossible to do both at once so I'm going for the second option.
Keane to Celtic or Aston Villa. Odds on racing certainty. Bet your house, wife and kids on it. If you haven't got any kids adopt some. 1/10
Gudjohnsen to return to England but not to Spurs. Very probable. Evens
Spurs to make marquee striker signing. Suarez probably. Now I don't know what a marquee signing actually is unless its so newsworthy that you have to put up a big tent to accommodate the press. Almost certain. 2/1
Pavluchenko, Defoe , Crouch and at the very least a Wigwam or a Yurt signing to be our starting strike force. Pretty probable 3/1
Bellamy to sign for Spurs. Unfortunately very likely. Harry likes a challenge. 5/1
Including Sandro Spurs to sign 3 or less senior squad players despite Harry's wheeler dealer reputation. Looking likely thank god. 6/1
Gareth the Bale to be our top scoring midfielder even if he plays at full back. 8/1
Torres and Joe Cole to get into double figures for appearances together next season. Probably get well acquainted in the physio room but unlikely on the pitch. 10/1
. Autonomy to go down the tubes before they cough up for their shirt deal. Their share price has plunged more than 10% this week. In Daniel we trust. 50/1
Daniel Levy keeping a straight face when they banned the vuvuzela on 'safety grounds' No chance 100/1
Raul to sign for Spurs He's more likely to sign for Barcelona than Spurs or become Real Madrid Manager, or Spain's Prime Minister. Extremely highly unlikely. 200/1
Joe Cole's agent keeping a straight face when he told Joe that at nearly 30 after two seasons disrupted by injury he'd negotiated a 4yr. Contract on £90,00 a week. Absolutely no chance 500/1
Spurs totally blowing it in the first month of the season, falling out of the Champions League and sacking Harry who is in prison anyway by then. Nah, no chance. 1000/1
How do I arrive at this accurate and precise analysis of the ongoing Tottenham situation?
A heady cocktail of ITK forensic analysis based on my network of contacts within the Tottenham organisation (cleaners, kitchen staff, decorators and groundsmen mainly). I also have a birthday card signed by Ledley King which I hold horizontally in front of me and absorb the vibe; a copy of the Daily Mail whose predictions I reverse, but in the main guesswork pure and simple.
But it seems to work. Remember that prices can go down as well as up and that past performance is no guarantee of future success. Which brings us neatly to Tottenham's prospects for the coming season. Man city are going to be a hybrid assembled from bits falling off other vehicles and probably won't start first go. Liverpool are desperately talking up the signing of Joe ”football reasons”Cole as the key to preventing total meltdown and Spurs are waiting patiently on the rails for their moment to strike.
We had another Stateside workout in which we came from behind to win. Keane had plenty of chances and managed to put one away. But until pre-season takes shape with the return of our World Cup heroes and some actual signings I am holding fire with the chrystal ball, chucking the tea leaves straight into the compost bin and have put the Tarot cards away in a locked drawer. Harry and Ossie say we can challenge for, and even win, the league but I would put this as unlikely: 50/1. Remember friends I'm not always wrong.