The Blog that's not always wrong.

Saturday, 24 July 2010

JimmyG2's pre-season miscellany

WOOKEY HOLE, UNITED KINGDOM - NOVEMBER 18:  Mince pies are stacked as competitors participate in the Wookey Hole Big Eat 2008, the annual mince pie eating contest, at the Wookey Hole Show Caves on November 18 2008 in Wookey Hole, near Wells, England. Handpicked competitors, eating professionals and members of the public alike attempt to eat as many mince pies as possible in the space of 10 minutes for a prize of 1000GBP and the chance to compete in one of the biggest speed eating events of the year in the United States.  (Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images)

Miscellany: a mixture; a medley. Medley: a mixture, a miscellany.

So there you have it, that's what this is. It's a word they use especially at Xmas to describe a book which is a rag-bag, a hotch potch, of unrelated topics with no theme or organisation. A weasel word that covers a multitude of sins. It's the odds and sods left over but too good to throw away. It's how stuffing, gravy and mince pies came to be invented.

'Not much different to any of your other offerings Jimbo' I hear you mumble unkindly. Well don't blame the messenger love, there's bugger all happening. And so to prove you wrong firstly I'm going to put all these tit-bits into alphabetical order, ever the poor man's thematic structure, and secondly, I'm going to rank them in order of likelihood; the bookmaker's configuration. Actually it's impossible to do both at once so I'm going for the second option.

Keane to Celtic or Aston Villa. Odds on racing certainty. Bet your house, wife and kids on it. If you haven't got any kids adopt some. 1/10

Gudjohnsen to return to England but not to Spurs. Very probable. Evens

Spurs to make marquee striker signing. Suarez probably. Now I don't know what a marquee signing actually is unless its so newsworthy that you have to put up a big tent to accommodate the press. Almost certain. 2/1

Pavluchenko, Defoe , Crouch and at the very least a Wigwam or a Yurt signing to be our starting strike force. Pretty probable 3/1

Bellamy to sign for Spurs. Unfortunately very likely. Harry likes a challenge. 5/1

Including Sandro Spurs to sign 3 or less senior squad players despite Harry's wheeler dealer reputation. Looking likely thank god. 6/1

Gareth the Bale to be our top scoring midfielder even if he plays at full back. 8/1

Torres and Joe Cole to get into double figures for appearances together next season. Probably get well acquainted in the physio room but unlikely on the pitch. 10/1

. Autonomy to go down the tubes before they cough up for their shirt deal. Their share price has plunged more than 10% this week. In Daniel we trust. 50/1

Daniel Levy keeping a straight face when they banned the vuvuzela on 'safety grounds' No chance 100/1

Raul to sign for Spurs He's more likely to sign for Barcelona than Spurs or become Real Madrid Manager, or Spain's Prime Minister. Extremely highly unlikely. 200/1

Joe Cole's agent keeping a straight face when he told Joe that at nearly 30 after two seasons disrupted by injury he'd negotiated a 4yr. Contract on £90,00 a week. Absolutely no chance 500/1

Spurs totally blowing it in the first month of the season, falling out of the Champions League and sacking Harry who is in prison anyway by then. Nah, no chance. 1000/1

How do I arrive at this accurate and precise analysis of the ongoing Tottenham situation?
A heady cocktail of ITK forensic analysis based on my network of contacts within the Tottenham organisation (cleaners, kitchen staff, decorators and groundsmen mainly). I also have a birthday card signed by Ledley King which I hold horizontally in front of me and absorb the vibe; a copy of the Daily Mail whose predictions I reverse, but in the main guesswork pure and simple.

But it seems to work. Remember that prices can go down as well as up and that past performance is no guarantee of future success. Which brings us neatly to Tottenham's prospects for the coming season. Man city are going to be a hybrid assembled from bits falling off other vehicles and probably won't start first go. Liverpool are desperately talking up the signing of Joe ”football reasons”Cole as the key to preventing total meltdown and Spurs are waiting patiently on the rails for their moment to strike.

We had another Stateside workout in which we came from behind to win. Keane had plenty of chances and managed to put one away. But until pre-season takes shape with the return of our World Cup heroes and some actual signings I am holding fire with the chrystal ball, chucking the tea leaves straight into the compost bin and have put the Tarot cards away in a locked drawer. Harry and Ossie say we can challenge for, and even win, the league but I would put this as unlikely: 50/1. Remember friends I'm not always wrong.


Anonymous said...

Wake me up when we make a signing will you Jimmy.Until then though I shall continue to dream of both Champions League silverware and the Premiership title success,Deluded,nope;off with the fairies,perhaps;ambitious,definitely.


LemonadeMoney said...

A few words of optimism Jimmy. I saw Pav speaking to other players and I presume they haven't learnt russian. We may not have one marquee striker to score goals all season, but we've got four who take it in turns. Niko = the croatian Joe Cole (the good bits). All the younger players are a year wiser and still improving. All the foreign players have a years more Premier League experience. Everyone knows each others game a little bit better. Bale and Lennon may rip european defences to shreds. Harry might be innocent.

Where can I place a wager on your 1000-1 shot?

Anonymous said...

LEMONADE. Its Davspurs You have the wise words of Grasshopper the wise monk in Kung Fu .Maturity grows with every passing year. Yo are spot on our Team should be wiser better and more familiar with each others play a team evolving into a telepathic squad . To many changes will upset the balance cause upset and ruin our continuity so be careful what you wish for City are living prove

elwehbi@ibleedhotspur said...

DAVSPURS, start a blog!!!!!

JimmyG2 said...

Will do. Give me some odds on winning Premiership AND the Champions' League this year. Might put a threepenny bit on it.

Thanks for that. I always study the training photos to try to pick up the vibe.
Roman always looks relaxed and well integrated into the squad. The others seem to like him.
Togetherness and understanding is what you get by building a team and keeping it together.

Ignore Elwhebi. There's too much competition out there already. Just keep dropping in on mine you're very welcome.
And I totally agree with you.

TMWNN said...

I agree with Redknapp, ie. we need three more top, top players.

This team isn't good enough to repeat a finish in the top, top 4 or even the top 4.

In Redknapp I trust ;-)

JimmyG2 said...


You mean three more top, top, top players surely.
This team will improve by continuing to play together especially if Taarabt and Dos Santos step up.
We already have Sandro and will need a replacement for Keane and probably Woodgate by the sound of it.

Post a Comment