And before you ask: No it isn't and no I can't
So here I am practising my deep breathing exercises, studying 'New Yoga positions for the well past it' and listening to the fridge as I wait for the season to start. Or something to happen. Here in the trenches we wait patiently for a signal to send us over the top, seizing on every little tit-bit of news and study its entrails for its impact on our season. And I mean hard news not gossip, rumour and tittle-tattle. And 'going over the top' is an apt description of Spurs fans in this becalmed state of the doldrums that we call pre-season. We are going stir crazy and liable to over-react when something, anything, actually happens.
So where are we exactly? Harry has taken up the extension to his contract and will be with us for at least another two seasons. This is possibly the best news we could have on top of the contract extensions to key players. Continuity and stability, the twin towers of our progress of late.'Twin Towers', hmm Better make that twin underpinnings. Harry is still finding confetti in his turn-ups but
he would only have to lose to Martin Jol's Fulham and to be behind them at Xmas for us to be in wife swapping territory as the worms start turning. Jol's return to the Premiership is only an unconfirmed rumour at the moment and there must be troubles at Ajax for him to leave. If its true.
Our new Premiership sponsor has been announced. 'Autonomy' was unknown to 99% of the population at large and unknown to even more of the Spurs faithful. No matter, their millions are as spendable as anyone else's. We still have another sponsor to come for Cup games so that's another first for the wily Levy ; split competition sponsorship. Not so much a 'fox in the box', more a 'hound for a pound' or even 'a bunny for the money'. It's a shorter contract for less exposure, for more money. Recession? What recession?
The new kits have been announced and are basically horrible: too over designed, too fussy, too busy, too distracting. Less is more people but you might just be able to hear the football doing the talking above the chatter of those shirts and shorts. It's Puma's last year and their designers felt the need to out in a blaze of glory. They seem to have given a class of 6yr.olds a packet of felt tip pens and let them loose. Don't we have a veto on the finished product?
However most people hated the yellow on last year's shirts but this was forgotten in our successful pursuit of fourth place. Perhaps the same will apply: win the league and the kits will not be derided, rejected and forgotten but purchased in their millions. It's like having to play well in pink boots, you just don't dare to play badly. We shall see. The all white kit against San Jose didn't look too awful.
A mixed squad, or two mixed squads had an away day at Bournemouth, an old stomping ground of Harry's and fared pretty well, scoring four and not conceding. Good things were reported of Townsend and Caulker; Pavlyuchenko scored a couple: Robbie Keane is still with us; Cudocini is fully recovered and a good time was had by all.
Even the rumour mill is only firing on three cylinders. No Torres, Gerrard, or Barcelona stars coming in: no high profile players getting the chop. Not even JJ is seriously rumoured to be leaving. Gossip ain't what it used to be. Perhaps it's just post World Cup tittle-tattle overload.
Personally I'm grateful for it and wouldn't be totally unhappy if we started next season with all the old faces and Sandro. But that takes us into the 'next level' debate which is tedious without concrete news within which to frame it. Aston Villa have replaced Sunderland as the rumoured destination for all our rejects and this is a step up of sorts. Meanwhile we are being linked with rejects from a higher level. Harry has a good squad with solid achievements behind it and has no need to duck and dive to keep the team or club afloat. So his wheeler dealer qualities are surplus to requirements at Spurs and I'm sure that Harry is as relieved as we are.
Last night Harry revisited another of his old haunts, America, where he was player coach of the the Seattle Sounders in the 70's. It was what they call a good work out and we looked as if we needed it.
They found plenty of space in midfield and Cudicini made three good saves. Several youngsters, Obika, Mason, Butcher, Smith, Townsend, Naughton and Walker made appearances; only Townsend caught the eye but he shot when he should have crossed and crossed when he should have shot, but that will come: remember Lennon. Keane missed a couple of chances and had a goal ruled offside. Bale, Huddlestone and Krancjar and Modric in the second half were the pick of the senior players. It ended in a goalless draw which was about right. Obika looked lost and should have scored with a header.
At the moment that's about it for hard news but no doubt when it starts it will all kick off ,if you'll pardon the expression, in a rush. In the meantime it's the sound of not very much not really happening. It could be worse; we might have signed Bellamy the Welsh wind up merchant.
It's the sound of silence and it will do me fine. For now.