The Blog that's not always wrong.

Monday, 13 September 2010

Dear Mr.Van de Vaart

England, London, Big Ben, clock face, low angle view

                      Synchronise watches men. This is the ´Big Time

Dear Mr.Van de Vaart,

Welcome to the Premiership and your new home at White Hart Lane. We quite like Dutchmen at Spurs; well some of them anyway, Edgar Davids and Martin Jol spring to mind. Others we are not so fond of, Denis Bergkamp and Robin Van Persie for a start. There's a link there but I expect Mr. Gallas who has crossed the same divide has already acquainted you with the background to all this .

We quite liked the sound of you from your CV. Most players that are good enough for Ajax, Hamburg, Real Madrid, and the Dutch national squad are usually good enough for us, particularly if they are closer to 25 than 30. More importantly we liked the look of you on yesterday's performance. We noted that you immediately made chums with little Luka and that in the first half hour you made our hearts sing.

Apologies for young Aaron missing the chance which you set up with that cheeky little back heel but he seems to have lost confidence this season. Any more of those little impurtenances and you will be half way to becoming a Spur's legend before Xmas. Perhaps on the training ground you could teach one or two others how to pass like you, Tom and Luka.

What we actually need is scorers and you might be able to help out in that department too. Yesterday was the type of performance you might have to get used to: dazzle for a third of the game, frustrate for a third, disappoint for third, and infuriate for a third. Like this analysis we do not always add up to the sum of our parts.

West Brom under a new young manager are desperately trying to cement their place in the Premiership having suffered from crumbling masonary in the past. I have to warn you that we have trouble beating easily the teams that we should easily beat . Most people predicted that we would win this by a couple of goals, including me. With Tottenham this is usually fatal and so it proved.

The manager Mr. Redknapp is a bit of a card and he will refer to you as a 'triffic signing for sure'. This that means that he likes you. Don't get confused between Sandra and Sandro: the former is his wife who is sometimes used as a stick to beat the boys with. This is not as sexy as it sounds. You may be puzzled by the number of old Tottenham players who are on the coaching staff. Ignore them and remember what you learned at Real Madrid. It will see you in good stead.

Our fans are unusual too. Sometimes referred to as 'fickle' their opinions can swing violently. Take Wilson Palacios who was widely regarded as the new Dave Mackay. ( See the chapter on 'Spurs Heroes ' in the book that accompanies this letter) and who was. at one time, beyond criticism as I found to my cost. Now he has been replaced in our hopes by a young Brazilian boy, the aformentioned Sandro, whom we have never seen and who isn't even in the Champions' League squad. Thought I would work that in because I correctly mentioned this last time and then incorrectly corrected myself.

But Harry and the fans are OK. Harry's English will improve no end in conversation with Luka, Pavlyuchenko and yourself and a lot of what he says are Harry's little jokes with the press and the fans; like saying he would make Gallas captain. A red rag to a bull as they say in Spain as you will know. He's what we call a' wind up merchant' which has nothing to do with clockwork toys or Big Ben.

The fans like skill but almost as much they admire commitment. I think you will score on both points. If you do score that might just make it three points.The hissing in imitation of the gas chambers which you will remember from your days at Ajax will make you feel right at home. The Ajax fans identified with the Jewish population wiped out by the Nazis in Amsterdam and were taunted as Tottenham are from time to time. When you hear the phrase 'Van de Vaart is a Yid' do not pack your bags or complain to your agent, it means that you have been accepted. It's what another of our Spurs heroes called 'getting your retaliation in first' (See enclosed book again)

Our defence is much better when under the surveillance of club captain Ledley King who doesn't play as often as we would like because of 'dodgy' knees, which means his knees swell up after games. Not to confused with 'dodgy' Harry which refers to tax dealings and a court case which is pending, or the Greek philosopher.

Our stand in captain Michael Dawson is out for three months, our one time captain Robbie Keane is out of favour and Big Tom, who you can't help but notice around the place, had the job yesterday. You may find yourself in line for the position quite soon. Incidently don't accept invitations by Mr. Keane for trips overseas for 'celebrations'. Harry doesn't approve of them.

I hope that this will help you to settle in very quickly. You have already put yourself about in the press and on the official site, saying all the right things about 'rejecting Liverpool', coming 'above Arsenal' and so on. But at Spurs we would prefer you to 'let your football do the talking'. It certainly looked quite eloquent yesterday.

Best of luck on Tuesday in the Champions' League where I am sure you will make your mark. Hopefully not in the Van Bommell World Cup sense though.Your new pal Luka, though not as badly injured as first thought, will probably not start in Germany but Harry says that you will get an hour at least probably as second striker to Crouchy, another team mate that you can't really miss. Let's hope it's enough. Synchronise watches men, ´this is the  'Big Time'.

In anticipation of great things to come,

JimmyG2

36 comments:

David said...

haha great!

Anonymous said...

tl; dr

Øystein said...

Let's hope he reads it... =)

thefunkypunk said...

very good - COYS!

kenna said...

great reading, jimmy! ;)Yid's army!

Anonymous said...

Jimmy G2 i have told you till i am blue in the face . Not like the players who are red with overheating through all the extra running they do to stop Spurs and other teams from winning .Van the man said he was shocked at the speed of the prem so did Modric well 5 mis in my company and i could tell him why Wigan West brom Everton all look full of running in the second half . The biggest signing some teams have made his energy levels have got to be full for the whole game and extra time. This is why Blackpool bought 11 players totalling 2 million they just need legs and a pair of boots and be able to run a lot age does not matter form can be improved dramatically because the Fa and the Premiership protect there financial product from drug scandal now The Spanish league are joining in ith Barcelona 0 Hercules 2 and Puters are red faced trying to justify another shock in the all new high tempo defending in nunbers and attacking in the same numbers for the whole game resulting in massive weight loss and sadly sudden deaths all unexplained . Yes Jimmy i new we would struggle at the Baggies and against Wigan. So next time when we play the likes of Blackpool don't be to confident we will win because having bags of energy can overcome any skilful side in the world has Barcelona found out. Harry cant beat this The Fa and Ukad can if more voices are heard the team i discovered using this illegal method had two nicknames The Duracell Bunnies and the Comeback kings because they got reported there form slumped and we benefited .The sad fact his fear of relegation and the sack has not stopped this form of cheating and the shocks will keep happening one voice with nor energy from fighting a lone battle to rid Football of the(S) word serious injury's sudden deaths and shocks. ( DVS )

Anonymous said...

Jimmy G2

Great introduction for Mr V d Vaart but I hope he doesn't catch on to your maths!

Quote: dazzle for a third of the game, frustrate for a third, disappoint for third, and infuriate for a third Unquote:

Lennon said...

This is probably the best blog post I have ever read!

Just Brilliant!

You've got some talent, JimmyG2!

Keep it up!

COYS!

TMWNN said...

JimmyG2,

Good work - very amusing.

Davspurs,

Well done on your gallant usage of the 'full stop'. The next step ought to be the 'comma' (,) and then, if you're really flying (obvioulsy without the aid of ephedrine), the 'paragraph'.

Good luck.

JimmyG2 said...

Davspurs
Nobody's arguing with you but its up to you to present your evidence to the relevant authority.

Every time you take a little breath put a full stop and every time you take a big breath start a new paragraph.
It might just work.
Otherwise you are difficult to follow.

Thanks anyway for your contribution.

Oystein.
Well I've put a first class stamp on it and put in the bin.
Doh!

Anonymous said...

Classy footballer,written about by a class blogger,well done Jimmy.

Foggy.

Anonymous said...

Like you, Jimmy, I have never quite seen what all the fuss was about Palacios. Most of it stems from his first game against Arsenal! So I am not too sure why most fans seem to think that he has suddenly had a dramatic drop in form. He is a pretty average footballer, who likes to tackle and has reasonable pace, but doesn't have great vision or positional sense. We certainly paid too much for him and now it seems that Harry is loathe to admit as much by consigning him to the bench (if that).

I didn't think that Hud and Wilson formed a very good central midfield partnership last year and in retrospect we were lucky that Wilson picked up a suspension before our most important run of games towards the end of the season. Hopefully, Harry will see the light some time soon, as quite frankly we will continue to be inconsistent until we make a change in this area.

Anonymous said...

Splendid! Hope he actually reads it.

COYS!

Greetings from Norway.

IKnowAlanGilzean said...

Chortle chortle.Very entertaining read with many a wide word.

Spurs in the European Cup tomorrow night... What a lovely ring that has to it.

About Saturday and indeed our mixed start to the season, how long ago that first half vs Man City seems...

Still, I remain very positive about a good season

IKnowAlanGilzean said...

...with many a wise word

Joshtottenham said...

Nah, Palacios was unstoppable for 6 months, and then never regained that form after that first summer. This guy was class at Wigan too. He HAS had a drop in form and I disagree that Harry is loath to drop him for any reason other than that there is no-one better to replace him right now. Wouldn't be surprised to see a modric, VDV, Hudd, Bale, Lennon 5 man mid soon tho, once modders is back.

Enorme Nuez said...

VDV was all over the place which caused West Brom problems. Hopefully everyone else picks up their game too. We need to show a sense of urgency with our passes and movement. This also includes our throw-ins. If we quicken the pace of the game then we can control it. West Brom did not have the athletes to match up but we played at a laboured pace. Something I can't figure out why we do.

Pat said...

Hi, I am in the process of creating a feed of all the Tottenham blogs I can find in the world, so the fans can check out the posts from every Spurs site in the one place. I intend to only have sites from real fans, so there will be no SkySports, Goal, Clubcall or all that "news" and rumours crap.

I have just about finished setting it up and aim to have it totally live in the next few days. I have been working on it for a while now, but think I have finally got it totally ready. It is not a list of blogs but a feed of all the various posts on each blog. I am going to contact every Tottenham blog around that I can find to ask for permission to add them as well.

All it has is a couple of lines of your post, and the headline will go straight to your website, so each post will link directly to you. You will also have a link to your home page on the contributors blogroll. So even if the site doesn't take off you will gain loads of backlinks to your site.

If you would like your site added to the site, please send me your feedburner or RSS feed url and I will get it added straight away.

All I ask in return is a simple text link to "Just Tottenham Blogs" somewhere on your homepage. You can have a look at the site here:
http://justtottenhamblogs.com/

I am mostly happy with the design so far, and I am keen to get some feedback from people like you. What do you think?

Pat (Justblogs@hotmail.co.uk)

Anonymous said...

My solicitors will be in touch.

~spooky

elwehbi@ibleedhotspur said...

You are brilliant my friend. I'm so glad you are a Spurs blogger!

Anonymous said...

Usually dont comment on the blogs even though i enjoy reading them!
But this was just an brilliant reading, so i felt obligated to let you know ;)

Bring on the Champions League boys! COYS!

As the fellow above: Greetings from Norway!

Anonymous said...

Great work Jimmy, top article.

One thing I want to bring up is where you said sandro wasn't named in the Champions league squad?

I think, that as he is under 21, he doesn't have to be named in the squad.

And as he isn't a home grown player, there is no advantage in naming him in the squad anyway, as opposed to someone like Bale.

I might be wrong, but that's just what I thought the rules were.

JimmyG2 said...

Joshtottenham/anon 15:34
Re Palacios
He is not a bad player and with Huddlestone was central to the team last season especially when Modric was out.
He seems to have lost his focus, his tackling was always wild and his passing average at best.
When he was absent at the end of last season we beat Arsenal and Chelsea. He came back for Man.Utd. and Burnley. Enough said.

If Sandro is half as good as we are led to believe Wilson will certainly become a squad player and spend more time on the bench than the pitch.

Greetings from Norway? Twice in one day. What's going on?

Spooky
Not again

Enorme Nuez.

I agree and the ball across the back four seems to be designed to send the opposition to sleep. But it doesn't work.
Up the pace boys.

JimmyG2 said...

Anon 20:48

Re Sandro and the Champions League squad.

See Spurs Community who have a lengthy discussion on this topic under 'Spurs Chat.
The rules for Premiership squads and Champions League are different. There is a three year qualification period for under 21 players to be available without specific inclusion

He has not been included by Tottenham because he has had a long season and needs to settle at the club.
He can be included after Xmas, I think.

Anonymous said...

OK I didn't know that, tbh I was just going on what the rules are on football manager! Cheers for clearing it up for me.

Anonymous said...

Livermoore is much better thatn Palacios...When is he get played?

Not playing some of our top young players will be our undoing.

Manu can do it why cant we?

Anonymous said...

We have a culture of never playing our 'young players'. Very few get through, and when they do it's a cameo here and there.

~Spooky

Anonymous said...

I sometimes have dreams of Spurs being like the Ajax team of the 80´s, when they had there young players mixed with more experienced ones.

In preseason when we play with the younger players the movement is so much better.

I always thought that with Harry being so proud of what he had done with the yougsters at westham, we would see something similar at Spurs.

What youth player would you like to see play more? I personally am dying to see livermoore play a bigger part.

Anonymous said...

Go to hell you bloody scum!
Yid Twat

JimmyG2 said...

Spooky/Anon03:34/Anon23:24
Re Livermore and young players.

I am surprised he has not had more pitch time as he was on the bench regularly at the end of last season.
He has looked good enough whenever he has played.

Is the thing about Harry and young players as much a myth as the wheeler dealer tag?
He has certainly shown little inclination to give them a run at Spurs.

Recommend 'Windy's Blog' to keep abreast of young player development.

Anon6:32
Please don´t come on here until you have taken your medication.

Anonymous said...

What makes me laugh is that on Spurs forums left right and centre, people try to educate davspurs to the benefits of proper punctuation!

Come on davspurs, give it a go!

Anonymous said...

Jimmy G2 i may not have your full stops and comers ,and just like some football teams you cat follow the game its that frenetic and has for going to Ukad who was Uk sport they told me it was rife and they cant catch them . If you look at the drug testing site you will see footballers names are withheld unless you are Paddy Kenny. How many Hulls Burnley's Blackpool are going to Damage quality teams before the Fa stops the abuse Jimmy G2 the answer is none because Sky and Premiership wont allow it to happen and this was why Chelsea got fined 60,000 for getting Mutu caught he his banned now for Ephedrine and he his on his third offence. You can mock me G2 because my forte was sport at school and girls and i was top in both and if a disease had not stopped me i could have bean a Spurs legend. And this information his for you the team i discovered moved over for us to play our first Champions league game tonight so maybe i help Harry after all because there nickname the year before was the Duracell Bunnies and the comeback kings. I hope this has helped you Jimbo to understand why Wigan and Blackpool will be harder than playing Citys Millionaires at Home. Watching Spurs back Davspurs the North west cockerel hard to follow but tell the truth.

JimmyG2 said...

My forte at school was English but I would willingly have swapped with you: girls and football Mmm.
It didn't stop me trying to play football though and it doesn't stop you trying to get your message across.
You are welcome any time Davspurs and like me you are not always wrong.

Anonymous said...

Great result in Europe last night. The ploayers did the club proud.

I am making the most of Europe and enjoying every minute because I read the club thinks we wont get 4th again.

Van De Vaart said...

I Love this blog it is written really well, kudos to you Jimmy,
Van De Vaart is an amazing addition to our squad and I think we have plenty more to see form him in the coming years, yes i agree with you that Lennon has lost his confidence this year but im not worried as I know how good he is and it will take time and maybe van de vaart can help him out. I actually saw the funniest van de vaart video lets hope he doesnt do something like that with us its a video on this page scoring a crazy own goal Van De Vaart Video

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