The Blog that's not always wrong.

Monday, 18 October 2010

Fulham. That's one short schlep for a fan

The Moon is Earths only natural satellite and the fifth largest satellite in the Solar System. The average distance from the Earth to the Moon is 384,403 km. The Moon makes a complete orbit around the Earth every 27.3 days.
One great leap for Vankind

It's not very far in Galactic terms to Fulham but we can draw strength from what is often a routine, humdrum and often disappointing short flight. Our third win after going a goal down gives the crew great confidence for the rest of the journey. We are sensing that we can cope with whatever dangers the Premierverse has to offer. This was our first consecutive win and Fulham's first defeat since blast off. And although the ship has suffered power loss at times we have managed to come through virtually unscathed.. The mark of a successful launch is to weather the initial buffetings without losing faith in the craft and its crew.

The requisite stringent tests of mental strength, resilience and not letting your head drop have been passed by all our astronauts and they are all constantly monitored. However with some of the crew showing signs of altitude sickness none of our key members performed consistently well throughout the whole flight but inspiration from our new Dutch Chief Engineer set up our popular Russian technician within a minute of Fulham going ahead. The introduction of flying ace Lennon gave the craft better balance and allowed our Welsh wingman more space and a direct appeal to the earthly representative of the Authorities on a point of law gave us a disputed winner.

Back at Mission Control project co-ordinator Harry Redknapp produced an interesting flight plan with Captain King present instead of being held back for more exotic journeys to come as widely predicted. This was a gamble that didn't come off but the crew have well rehearsed strategies for such regular breakdown incidents. The message quickly went from 'Ground control to Major Tom' who responded well being at the heart of the offside incident.

Gallas, a widely mistrusted recruit from a hitherto alien galaxy, figured at both ends of the flight. He failed to locate the ball that set up Kamara for the Fulham opener and fortuinately failed when adjudged offside to intercept Huddlestone's shot. A case of not being in the right place at the right time, twice. New crew member Sandros made his maiden League voyage and acquitted himself adequately. He showed confidence and ability but needs to handle some of the equipment with more delicacy. For reasons not immediately clear to me he is already a firm favourite but needs a little more time on the flight deck before a true assessment can be made.I hope he doesn't fall foul of Palacios syndrome.

The first part of the flight went smoothly and the landing was nicely controlled. In between the solar cross winds disturbed us from time to time but our of Last Resort Director, Gomes, proved himself well up to the job. Our two experienced finding space men Van de Vaart and Modric were below par but our spaced out, space oddity at left back played well again.

The leading squadron of five have left the rest of the fleet behind and are flying in tight formation with Spurs level on the third echelon. This is only phase one, little more than a quarter of the expedition completed, but considering the absence of key crew members we can be relaxed about our launch.. All of the pioneer group are having engine trouble after take-off and Captain Tom has been musing on the possibilities of a successful landing which would put him over the Moon. As long as you don't have to make an emergency landing on Uranus, Tom, we should be fine.

Our next shuttle run is to Italy on Wednesday and some small changes of crew are required. Van de Vaart is banned and Lennon might start. I expect to see Jenas in place of Sandro who is not registered for foreign flights.. Gallas and Bassong will complete the mission begun on Saturday. At the front of the flight deck Kranjcar might play off Pavlyuchenko or Keane off Crouch or any combination of all four.

This is all top secret and confidential obviously and it is more than my blogsworth to divulge the little that I know, which is very little indeed as you have already worked out. Exact details are securely held in a sealed envelope and full details will only be revealed immediately prior to blast off. If we can return to WHL with all our essential parts intact and crucially without suffering any loss this will certainly be another Mission Accomplished. It is certainly not Mission Impossible.

On the subject of whether Flight Controllers are adopting too aggressive an approach towards other craft in their air space I can only say that it lies within their power to ground any crew member guilty of over excitement. Cool, clear heads are required for these ventures and a rush of blood might lead to the aborting of the whole mission.

Our esteemed Director of Mission was rumoured to be leaving us for a role at International Central due to the incompetence of the present holder but has been having second thoughts as he feels that at his age the 'aggravation' would not be worth it. He is now considering ending his career gazing into Sandra's eyes (Sandra you muppets) in a tent marked 'Property of Mr.D Revie' on the edge of the desert. Could this be the start of new contract negotiations? His Mission has certainly not yet been completed with his present employers.

















11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bet it seamed a good idea at the beginning jimmy. Fraid you left me marooned in deep space about half way through....you're on a different planet

alwyn said...

i enjoyed the space theme, Jim!

but one thing which could've been added is that Saturday's mission could've been a disaster if Shuttle Fulham hadn't wasted so many of their, uh, missiles fired at us. Still, all's well that ends well.

and now it feels like we're playing like Man U of old (holding on to tight victories come what may) and Man U are playing like us of old (scoring at will but letting in dumb-ass goals too).

elwehbi@ibleedhotspur said...

Gomes had some wonderful (and crucial) saves. I'm glad he's back between the posts. Now if we can just get our defence to settle and stop conceding unnecessary goals...

JimmyG2 said...

1st.Poster
Mars or Venus?

alwyn
Hi my friend
Good point about Man.Utd

hoopspur said...

My first post Jimmy - much deeper than those two, maybe Alpha Centauri deep. And boy, is that deep.

JimmyG2 said...

hoopspur
I get it. You think I'm flying too close to the sun and am in danger of burnout.
Thanks for the warning.

Elwhebi
The defence won't be water-tight until we get a settled back four.
But you have to admit we're not doing too badly.
Whilst Ledley is still on the scene disruption is inevitable.

galvin was god said...

er..houston we have a problem. the modders 14 has been contaminated with a virus of unknown origin, restricting its all round contributions. retire it temporarily and activate nico nexus 21 along with its sophisticated goal detecting state-of-the-art radar equipment

JimmyG2 said...

galvin was god
Roger that gws,
Nico nexus 21 has restricted defense module capiability, Would require extensive rewiring of all circuits to accomodate.
Unlikely such manouevre will be attempted in Deep Space.

LosLorenzo said...

Inspireed conceit.

Just one question. Is he Captain or Major Tom? I am confused.

alwyn said...

something wrong w Modders? I didn't catch the match though somebody did mention s'thing about him giving away balls and making mistakes - what? is that even possible? ;>)

JimmyG2 said...

LosLorenzo.
It's David Bowie that's confused.Functions as Captain but has honoury title of Major.
Simples.

alwyn
He has admitted himself that his afterburners are not at full throttle but I think it's mainly that he is having to play second fiddle to the Dutch Master at least in the media.
You know that they can only hold one thought in their mind at once, and then not for long.
We'll see tonight I hope.

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