The Blog that's not always wrong.

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Spurs friendly bar close to Bernabeu Stadium

The Irish Rover: Madrid

For those who have been following 'Spurs Musings' loyally over the years, well months anyway, and wondering why, I have great news. For those going to Madrid for the Real Quarter Final game your patience with some of the nonsense, bias and misinformation that you have had to put up with is about to be rewarded.

I bring you genuine offers of free beer. Now you're really interested I can tell from here. My daughter Liz is the manager of an Irish 'Sports bar' close to the Bernabeu Stadium. This is a very football and Rugby friendly place serving a wide range of beers: Guinness,Heineken,John Smith amongst others.

In addition to the usual 'meal deals' available on match days she is making the 'Irish Rover' particularly Spurs friendly for the Real game on match day, 5th April, with a buy one get one free offer on all pints before the game. She is obviously hoping that you will all come back afterwards to celebrate.

The fact that I have pictures of her naked on a rug when she was 2yrs old has played no part in this deal. Fashionable in those days but probably illegal now. Prices are in any case very reasonable for central Madrid and these offers are literally ones you just cannot refuse. You will need to produce some form of Spurs credentials, match tickets; membership cards; full Tottenham kit should do it.

It is two minutes walk from the stadium. Look for the blue and white logo of the BBBV bank on the other side of the dual carriage main road (The Castellana). Walk down between the bank and the Ministry of Defense; past the first traffic lights; on the left is a small square with  gardens in the middle; in the far corner is 'The Irish Rover'; on the near side there is a Starbucks which you will obviously ignore.

The bar makes a very good base for short trips to Madrid; stag does for example as usually Easy Jet from Luton is very cheap. It is open from midday until 3 or 4 o/c in the morning seven days a week. A wide range of Spanish and Anglo/American food is served and they do a very good 3 course 'Menu Del Dia' for about 10 Euros.

Website address for you to check it out is:

The nearest Metro station is the Bernabeu itself. So pile in lads and eat drink and be merry as I am only on a very small commision. (I wish). Mention my name if you like but it might not do you any good as I haven't cleared my tab lately.

No beer was spilled in the writing of this column

Monday, 21 March 2011

It's the Real thing

It's the real thing
So sue me

As usual the frequent fliers politely ignore the safety briefing, 
'Brace, brace'. As if.
'Life jackets are stowed' Yeh, yeh.
'Seats upright; tables folded, window blinds up'
Whats the problem? We aren't going far, just an ordinary run of the mill domestic trip. What can possibly go wrong?

Haven’t we just toured Europe making tricky descents through the fog to land with ease in the rain at night and lived to tell the tale? If Spurs were an airline they would definitely not be 'Easy jet'. More 'Monty Pythons Flying Circus'. Certainly routine flights seem to present the most problems just lately. Whereas the aerobatics and high flying stunts; loops; stall turns; barrel rolls; yaws; and spins; are all performed in style. Wing walking? Just give WHL a call.

The events of the last month illustrate our predicament concisely. A fighting draw at home to AC Milan puts us through to the quarter finals of the Champions' League where we are drawn against Real Madrid. Cue fireworks, massed bands, ticker-tape celebrations, general pandemonium and hysteria at the awesomeness of it all. Beat Madrid and it could be Barcelona in the semi's. We dare to dream, speculate, fantasize and hope. The real thing, no question.

Bread and butter stuff in the League however in our third consecutive run out against Premiership no-hopers, Blackpool, Wolves and lately West Ham, and we drop seven points out of a possible nine. In the first two we concede six goals and in the third we keep a clean sheet but fail to score despite dominating the play.

With nine games to go and Liverpool, Arsenal, Chelsea and Man.City amongst them we have given ourselves a mammoth task which looks increasingly beyond us. So this year's high flying looks to be a temporary one off unless we win the Champions League Cup. Ridiculous as it sounds this is not beyond us.

For some reason at home to West Ham we played 4411 in order to accommodate Van der Vaart who once again failed to complete a full game. Harry also preferred Defoe to Pavlyuchenko despite the statistics. The theory that having got a goal, two in fact at Wolves, Defoe would return to form and score onion bags full proved to be tragically wrong.

We dominated possession and had 26 goal attempts, 14 on target. Green made at least two brilliant saves and they defended robustly and rode their luck. There were positives of course; Sandro put another good performance under his belt; Modric was outstanding and combined well with Van der Vaart especially in the first half. Van played too deep to support Defoe though and the introduction of Pavlyuchenko made a difference but rather too late in the day.

Bale returned but was not quite back to his bushswakling best. Dawson and Gallas were caught out on a couple of occasions and Carlton Cole might have got a couple. However we played some lively football and might have got five or six. Make that 'should have'. We certainly can't blame fixture congestion. We've got that to come.

The substitutions and team selection were puzzling. Kranjcar our late goal saviour at Bolton and Sunderland was unused on the bench. Corluka whose radar with Lennon had gone a little awry in the first half was replaced by Hutton to no obvious benefit and we declined to use up our full substitutes allowance. Lennon played well again and his shot coming in from the left rebounded off the post to a surprised Defoe who miscued what should have been an easy 'poachers' goal.

So it's all Harry's fault then? Well you can't blame him for Defoe's misses, or for bad luck and Green's performance. I thought we would struggle against an effective W.Ham midfield but in fact we dominated throughout. Modric ran 30yds with Parker hanging on to his coat tails for dear life and when he finally brought him down Luka didn't even get a free kick. Serves him right for being a class above all the other players.

But Harry's faith in Defoe is touching if misplaced. He has been ineffective for the whole season admittedly disrupted by injury and suspension. And much as I applaud loyalty to players who have produced the goods in the past when your 'sell by' date is up it's time to move on. Pavlyuchenko should have been on from the start and at home against another team of relegation contenders we should have played 442.

Even if we don't make Champions' League this year then we need the Europa if only to keep our star players interested and the fans involved. It clutters up the fixture list true but I can remember decades of purely domestic competition and it's not what Spurs were made for. There is no guarantee that without the European sideshows Premiership success is assured and I'm hooked on our European nights after so many years of enforced abstinence .

Excuse us old codgers as we quietly smile to ourselves. Poised on the edge of a truly great season Spurs pause and decide to check their parachutes before obeying the instruction 'Jump! How does it go? 'To dare is to do' or something or other, but let's not get carried away. Then they toy absentmindedly with the rip cord as they plummet to earth.

Fans hold their breath and cover their eyes hardly daring to watch the outcome.The old codgers mumble something about 'predictably unpredictable' and recall the great 'Glory Glory' days and muse, like me, on the callowness of modern youth. Mrs JimmyG2 could have had a hat-trick on Saturday. She's been tweeting Sandra ever since.At least I hope it's Sandra. I've checked, it's not in Portuguese.

So fasten your seat belts for another short domestic hop to Wigan before the continental tours begin again. I can't promise you a smooth, textbook landing but flying backwards upside down is not a problem. Just make sure your tables are stowed and locate the sick bag in the pocket in front of you.
Practice the 'Brace' postion we might be going to need it.

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Guest Column by Greg Meyer: Bacon sandwiches all round.

A  culinary round up by Greg from a Kent pub where confidence is high and growing. And why not after a second Milan side is shown the door. Mind you Inter may get up of the floor to challenge again in the next round. Are we bovvered?
Pizzas, bacon sandwiches, bread and butter, ham, welsh rarebit, chianti and no doubt some bubbly all on the menu. I'll offer to go Dutch if it helps. Enough, already, over to you Mr. Meyer.

 The Ides Of March ... 15/03/2011.
Pizzas At Ten Paces ... Next ...The Dream Is Still On ... Less Exotic Fare ...Ham At The Lane.
"I came I saw I conquered." ... Signor J. Caesar of AC Milan The Original.What an army.What a legion of fans.Gladiators and all.
"They came I saw I conquered." ... Mr. H Redknapp of Sandbanks and Tottenham Hotspur FC.
Today yes is the famous day upon which Julius Caesar was brought undone by a posse of strikers masquerading as Roman Senators. Twenty three stab wounds were counted.Six days earlier Massimiliano Allegri and his team met a similar if not so bloody an end at our Lane. Twenty three attempts or thereabouts. All missed out completely.
Needless to say its been raining pizzas and Chianti at our Kent pub. With no FA Cup duties at the weekend thoughts have settled. What lies ahead.
Reflections Through A Pub Window.
Our lawyer and other pub regulars have put the break to good use.  Watching others. After all with Spurs in one match and then Ham 10 days later it reminds of a mini break. So what conclusions have been drawn from all this tv viewing.   
The return of Charlie Corluka has highlighted the defensive deficiencies of Alan Hutton. Hutton has physicality and pace but that's where it ends. Take a lot from hereon  to convince the powers that he should stay. Evidence provided by Wolves and Milan games at least.Yes he didn't play against Milan but Charlie did. And wasn't Rafael VDV glad he did. You'll no doubt recall another Flamini tackle. Not to mention Lennon. He and Charlie combine. Charlie no pace but some Croatian cunning. His presence helps to keep Luka happy. Not to be underestimated when fending off whisky nose faced predators. No Croatians at Man U.
Bale. He is some very fast Welsh dude. More so evident against Wolves. Barcelona play relatively narrow apart from Alves. It is easy to see how Bale would fit in at the Nou Camp. All the more important to secure top four again. Top four aims yes. One of them in the summer is to keep Gareth.
Sandro continues to grow. No finished product by any means but carefully handled should be huge. How many games has he played for us? Very few.
Our stockbroker has been pondering the centre half connundrum. Dawson. Threatens to break out from a squad player. Gallas. Excellent but ageing. Woody and Ledley,ditto. We really are crying out for a younger Gallas or King. Kaboul. If the concentration levels can continue to improve then ahead of Dawson. Probably why the much maligned by all except Chelsea,John Terry is such a rock in defence.
And so to the perrenial. Strikers. Mine host says if Jermaine, the one with the house for sale and not the London Evening Column writer,can keep going as he did versus Wolves , then our obvious deficiencies may wait till the summer.
After that Manu vs Arsenal Cup game is our pub still suffering from a Champs League hangover? Neither looked really ahead of Spurs. A workmanlike effort from Man U with a very .very good goalie. Which brings us to Gomes. A keeper at the moment say our pub. At least Pat Jennings has not been recalled from Stuttgart like Arsenal. Good luck Jens.
Having seen Arsenal in two big Cup games lately our market gardener, used to dealing with miscreant french snails, has formed a view on Sami Nasri.Lots of circuitous trails and tricks but absolutely no pace. Hate to dwell but ... Gareth Bale ... some pace ... and end product. And he's Welsh.Perhaps they don't speak Welsh at Barcelona.
Wrapping up. Our teacher continues to extoll the class of Modric and Van Der Vart. Pun intended. Remember both had quiet if anonymous days against the current Champs League holders. Who won ...
At A Kent Pub .
We all did. Bacon sandwiches triumphed over pizzas. Harry's star continued to rise. Our lawyer has fingers crossed for him in July at the Court just down from the well know spook place, London Dugeon.
Back to bread and butter this Saturday lunchtime. Spurs are approaching rude health on the injury front. Wilson away having some exploration on a knee. The rest almost all present.
After Ham its Wigan and Stoke before Arsenal at the Lane. Citeh later .
Look objectively speaking from a Spurs stronghold, why not four in a row. Can we not build on the glory of a recent European night.
As Julius Caesar so eloquently put it back in 44 BC and our legend Danny Blanchflower continued on a similar theme some years later...
" I love the name of honour, more than I fear death."        Julius.
"I love the game of glory, more than I fear defeat."           Danny .. paraphrasing in part his famous glory quote which appears at the opening of Jim Duggan's Topspurs.
Cheers ... milanic euphoria is subsiding ... ham, a dish of revenge best served and enjoyed cold ... Greg Meyer   coy bloody s.

Friday, 11 March 2011

Not a bad result at all really.

A star is born?

 Well I've given it 48hrs following my warning about blogging when you're angry or in this case euphoric, and my considered opinion is still the same: we were 'sensational' as they say on MOTD. Not because we outplayed them but because we didn't succumb. This wasn't quite 'winning ugly' but more like 'drawing unattractively'

They didn't let us play our game so we showed that we can play a different one. In fact they played more in our style and we played more in theirs. This was AC Milan in attack mode; a very different team than the one we played in Italy. Seedorf was transformed in his deeper lying role and one wonders what might have happened if they had played as they did on Wednesday in the first leg.

We looked them straight in the eye and said,' Come on then if you think you're good enough'.
They said, 'OK, we will'. But they weren't .It wasn't until the last ten minutes that I become worried that we might just let it slip away but in fact by then it was all over. They engineered very few clear cut chances and apart from Gallas clearing off the line there were very few alarms.

Gomes went walk about once and almost brought Pato down, but he made two excellent saves, several clean catches, one brave dive and had just the one mad moment. I like my keepers just this side of crazy and our success over the past two seasons could not have been achieved without him.

It was nice to see that Modric can have a quiet game and still be pretty effective. Van Der Vaart was clearly not match fit, and Piennar lively for the first fifteen minutes. Sandro was the stand out player, tackling with control, moving the ball quickly, maintaining his position and looking as if he might be the player we hoped he would be and the player we thought that Palacios was.

Let’s not burden the boy with the weight of too much expectation but two very good performances against top class opposition look more than promising. It is significant that his best games have been in Europe where the pace is not as hectic as it is in the Premiership.

Gallas verged on the edge of excellent, well supported by the rest of the back four. Crouch was a handful and might have scored. We were a bit one dimensional but got away with it. Crouch had, rather unfairly, 14 fouls given against him. Lennon teased and tormented and made several good runs and crosses. In the absence of Bale he supplied the threat on the break.

This was our 15th home game without defeat, since in fact we lost to Arsenal in the Carling Cup
on the 26th of September. A tight, tense game where once again we didn't pick up a single yellow card though Boateng's dramatics might easily have earned Sandro one. Discipline by Team Spurs at Fortress White Hart Lane. Harry got it all about right given the injuries and tactically for all his bluster was content to play a restrictive formation. His main input was to instil in the team the spirit and attitude to operate at this level as he did to good effect in the first leg.

The opening minutes showed that we had intended to match them but were forced into a more defensive pattern by the energy and passing of Milan. Harry again demonstrated that he can think on his feet. Milan played a high line from the start and we increasingly fell back restricting the room in which they could operate. We improvised and kept our precious away goal intact.

So a fine result in an uncharacteristic performance but it's nice to know we can be miserly when required and the confidence bred by this game will stand us in good stead in the quarter finals and will perhaps spill over into the final 10 games in the Premiership.

As each Champions' League game comes and goes I am moving from the belief that every game after qualifying is a bonus to the idea that we might just get be good enough to make further progress even as far as getting to the final. With Bale, Van Der Vaart, Huddlestone, Ledley and Woodgate all having another 10 days to get back to fitness things can only get better.

We celebrated coming 4th last year and progressing to the latter stages of the Champions' League this, but it is still true that we haven't won anything yet. We are coming to an important crossroads at Tottenham: at what point do we abandon our commitment to positive, entertaining football in favour of a more pragmatic approach in the name of success? Ideally one leads to the other but we look as if we might have to swap some of the former for a larger share of the latter.

New Books in the Spurs Library.

Walking on Water. By Harry Redknapp. (Triffic Publications)

Not all Brazilians are the same. By Sandro and Gomes (Stereotype Studies)

Earning my Spurs. By William Gallas. ( French Connection Press)

Enigmas wrapped in a mystery. By Jenas and Pavlyuchenko.   (Riddle Books Inc)

Small is beautiful. By Modric Lennon and Defoe. (Schumacher Updates Imprint)
New additions to this list are welcome.

Taken all round not a bad result at all.

( No Arsenal fans were abused, injured or harmed in the writing of this blog)

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

A tale of two cities

All white on the night!


Well the neutrals are having a field day again: goalmouth action; inept defending; three classic strikes; penalties; disallowed goals; red card escapes; late equalisers; controversy, and amongst that lot somewhere some almost decent football and both teams lucky to get a point and unlucky not to win.

So in No Man's Land there are brass bands and bunting and dancing in the streets. In the fanatic zones there are downcast looks; recriminations; helpless shrugs; points lost, and a man in the corner playing the 'Last Post' on the mouth organ.

The result did neither club much good and on reflection Mick McCarthy might be the more disgruntled manager. But then he always is, even when he wins. Let's take some positives: both our strikers scored more than decent goals; Sandro made another advance in his career with a good performance; Bale gave a late cameo appearance to establish his credentials for tonight, and might have won it for us; Modric was outstanding once again and we picked up another point after going behind (17th I think.)

But there are negatives:: some very poor defending especially by Hutton but also by Gallas; a lot of wasteful balls out of defence especially by Ekotto; some odd decisions by Harry who had one eye on the Milan game and by Gomes who had just the one eye on the ball, unfortunately.

Playing Bale and Lennon on their 'wrong sides' made sense without Pavlyuchenko, but why take him off in the first place when he was having a good game? Not to save him for Milan that's for sure. Piennar did very little but I would have replaced him with Palacios at that stage rather than Kranjcar who I would have started with. Jenas had a decent game but is indecisive at crucial moments. His forward run in the build up to Pavlyuchenko's goal was impressive but happens too rarely.

At least the substitutions were positive. We, like everyone else except City, trod water at the top. On form over the last 6 games we have gained three points on them but it could have been more. In another sporting vein the leaders are coming back to the field as the leading bunch tightens round Tattenham Corner. We are still good for a place but the metaphor lacks the stamina required as our race has hurdles and jumps unlike the Derby.

Our strikers have suddenly sprung to life but the defense has gone to sleep. Some mix-up in their medication I fear. Conceding six goals in two games against bottom of the table opposition is dire and we have a resurgent W.Ham to come. Chelsea and Man. City maintained their advantage with wins. Progress to the quarter finals of the CL. could energise our push for top four or could provide a distraction as it did here.


Tonight it's pretty clear that Crouch and Van Der Vaart will start with Bale on the left. Harry says we are going for the win and to be honest the way we are defending it's probably our best option. Palacios and Sandro, who played so well in the away leg, could possibly join Modric in midfield. Milan have to score twice to win the tie even if we were to score an opener. But somehow even knowing that, an early goal that will settle my inner anatomy even if it means little in statistical terms and they will have to come out and attack at some stage.

I can't see them laying themselves open to a Bale or Lennon sucker punch. A 1-0 loss leads to extra time and penalties, so let's avoid that at all costs. Any draw will do, but a win would allow us to go through in style. We will play in our all white 'European Nights' kit and a win to coincide with the publication of a book on John White by his son Rob, entitled 'The ghost of White Hart Lane would be a fitting and timely tribute.

It's hard not to think that it's coming up to 50yrs since our 5-1 victory over Athletico Madrid in the final.The quarter finals are beckoning. John White, Athletico Madrid, 50yrs,, all in white, at home, a strong team, a goal up; the signs are all there. What can possibly go wrong?

So not by any means 'the worst of times' in the league but a win or a draw tonight could push us closer to the 'best of times' in Europe.

Thursday, 3 March 2011

The Greg Meyer Column: from seaside to poolside.

Greg's back in the groove trying to plot the twists and turns of the current season.  Firstly let  me make it clear, he's not all that ugly; well certainly not from a certain angle, in the half light anyway, I've seen him so trust me on this one. 
Secondly Mine Host didn't get to holiday in Teneriffe by giving pints away, so don't hold your breath on that one. 
Thirdly we tied with favourites India and lost to Ireland, so clearly anything can happen. Birmingham beating Arsenal for example.
I think Harry and Daniel might have been taking an option on a 60,000 capacity stadium in Dubai. Its only 7hrs away on Emirates Airlines. The last part might be the deal breaker I'm afraid. 'EasySpurs' anyone? 

So here with a sideways look is an update and the lowdown on all things Spurs, from our very favourite Australian  Mr.Greg Meyer, currently back in a newly refurbished  Kent pub.
 Wednesday 2nd March
 A Tale of Three Press Conferences...Dances with Wolves...The Race for Third.
 We flew out of Blackpool International Airport and touched down at Dubai just 7 hours and 6 minutes later. Twenty nine degrees here.
From seaside to poolside at the Shangri-La Hotel, Dubai. A break from the humdrum of the Premier league ,you understand. Look if Mine Host can sun himself in Teneriffe, mind he is back to the daily hostelery duties earlier this week, then why not follow our team to the East. Rosie ( Topspurs fellow columnist)  follows them everywhere all the time. Not sure if he made Dubai. No game on. Ah, still probably at the day job accumulating for Wolves. More on that later.
Dubai started out famously. Citeh drop points against Fulham,Strauss hauls them up to a tie (far more exciting than a score draw),and of course the Trophy Cabinet remains obselete at our neighbours six years in.
So the race for first, fourth and everything in between pelts on. Shame about the goings on at Stamford last night but drawing a great breath, allied with a great pint, looking back before we charge forward spare a thought for your average Manager called upon to gird his proverbial loins and meet the waiting press hounds.
Our pub mused on what Harry, Ian, Arsene, and Alex might really have wanted to say ( and have already have said) at that ...
Press Conference.
First off ... The ' Arry and ' Olly Show ... Bloomfield Beach.
Easy stuff for the new boy.
                                       "There was a spell in the second half when I took my heart off my sleeve and put it in my mouth." Probably a refence to the nine thousand shots that Spurs had without success apart from a late Russian ricochet deep on.
Harder for our Harry .
                                "Where are we in relation to Europe? Not far from Dover." After Chelsea vs United which Europe are we in. Champs league is on still says our lawyer.
                                "I sorted the team formation last night lying in bed with the wife.When your husband's as ugly as me, you'd only want to talk football in bed."
 Nothing wrong with that but shame the two strikers ,Pav and Defoe, helped out the legend, most famously repeated when Darren Bent missed the unmissable header.Not the first time Harry has opined over open goals...
                               'Joe Cole missed an open goal that my f*cking missus could have scored."
And so to Wembley, Arsenal Sunday 27 Febuary  2011.
Before we get to pauvre,aulder Arsene perhaps Harry said it all sometime back ... something in reference to sinking hopes, sinking ships, at the eighty eighth minute  in a Carling Cup final ...
               "It's like being on the Titanic and seeing there's only one lifeboat left."... and its full of Birmingham players ...
Sorry back to Monsieur Wenger ..
                           Arsenal are up there consistently but the Cabinet remains empty. Seems this year Arsene was prepared to have a real go for his previously thought of "Michel Mouse Cup" .. not sure of the french translation.Famously chased by Arsene , but only by his Arsenal kids till this year , perhaps he could, might or should have said ...
                         "At a young age winning is not the most important thing ... the important thing is to develop creative and skilled players ... " Hear , hear. Say Spurs fans. Not sure the same is the battlecry at Emirates after your first team , with Cesc in waiting to lift the trophy, miss and out. Still made for a very happy night at our pub.
Perhaps one of Arsene's best is most appropriate ..
                       " He made the impossible, possible."  Obefami Martins lately of Birmingham and now the rest of, might concur.
And so the climb to Premier Everest at four thousand feet continued for Chelsea continued. The top four. Surely a bridge too far for our mates at Chelsea playing United. Well no actually. Our journalist has mixed feelings. Doesn't like either. Pragmatically better if Chelsea lose. Oops they win and an older Scottish Knight after a bout of apoplexy might have presented post match with the following .
Sir Alex Ferguson ...     of the realm ...
If you are really interested visit the Mail or Red Cafe. Most if not all is very predictable . Despite some understandable antagonism here toward a whisky loving Scot there is no quarrel when it comes to Welsh wingers. A lovely quote by a young Alex  ... about a very young ...
                    "I remember the first time I saw him. He was 13 and just floated over the ground like a cocker spaniel chasing a piece of silver paper in the wind."
Not Gareth Bale but Ryan Giggs. Our gardener and dog lover hopes history repeats itself.
One of our regulars is a Chelsea man ( plus young bride) and  what stays on the field stays on the field. Here at the pub he is next to me watching MOTD as earnestly as the rest of us. Still hope they fall over says our Medico, with a lovely smile on his face. Lovely to be back  from all points of the compass ...
At A Kent Pub.
Teneriffe is a distant memory says mine host. So is Blackpool says our lawyer. Dancing with wolves looms.
Their record at home is respectable.Defeated Man Citeh, Chelsea, and thumped Blackpool last up. So thats where Spurs Extraordinaire and glory bound step in. No Bale. Accomodate that. Rafael VDV back. Love that. Lennon, a time bomb waiting to go off is there. Our Moddle to create.Hyperbole finished.Don't think he is playing anyway.
Our pub like many of you are hoping for the best. Top four.Not easy but as Harry says a race of five. Sorry Liverpool. See how far your Spurs have come.
Sunday night we are gathering at our pub to hopefully celebrate another win by the best club on the planet.
I am reliably informed that mine host will not be holding a press conferenece, win , lose or draw.
Cheers ... he will be shouting copious and free beers if we win no doubt ... Greg Meyer     coys.

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Crimewatch F.A.

 If it wasn't so criminal it would be a crime

Welcome to the latest edition of Crimewatch FA. We  have a number of interesting cases this week and we are starting with the most serious.

Witnesses are sought for a shooting in which a student was wounded in the Cobham area by a 30 yr.old man with a powerful .22 air rifle. In the words of the old song he claimed that; 'I didn't know the gun was loaded'. After an internal enquiry he has been fined in the region of £400,000, nearly three weeks wages. This clearly shows that not only the gun but the alleged shooter were loaded.
An Italian character witness has stated that the assailant is a 'role model' but didn't specify for whom or for what.
The police have denied that the intended victim was the team leader. A police spokesman commented that if it had been they wouldn't be bothering to investigate under the FA 'fair play to the lad' rules.
Russian Mafia involvement has been strenuously denied. This was a criminal act by a lone marksman sources reveal. The WFK Cold Case group have been alerted
Enquiries have been received from an organisation in N17 who are interested in the 'shooters' prowess.
(Contact: Firing

A vicious attack on a innocent bystander was carried out by Liverpool man at the weekend in broad daylight in front of 60,000 people. Witnesses are being encouraged not to bother reporting the incident as several officials were present but saw nothing amiss and no charges will be brought.
The senior official's attention has been drawn to the most recent Specsavers two for one offers.
(Contact: If it was anybody

A brutal mugging was carried out in the Wembley area by a little known gang from Birmingham who set about an innocent, not to say naïve, group from the North London area out for an afternoon stroll in the park Intelligence suggests that this was a pre-arranged 'rumble'. Anyone who knows anything at all about this Midlands gang is urged to contact the The French Embassy where the post mortems are being carried out. At least two of the effete squad went missing during the affray.
A key witness claims that he never saw it.
(Contact: Je ne l'ai pas vu@ SixYearsAnd

Enquiries into the whereabouts of a Scottish man already well known to the police are being wound down. Reports of an ugly bust up with his line manager have been denied and he has returned to his place of work after a two week disappearance. He has been seen all over the place for several months.
Apparently it was his groin that was strained and not relations with his manager. The case is being wound down and the sole officer assigned to the case re-directed back to Traffic.
(Don’t contact:

The police are warning North London residents that a crack Italian squad are planning a raid in the coming weeks. They are seeking revenge for a serious smash and grab incident in the Milan area.
Police have prevented the most well known hit man, Gennaro 'Crazyhead' Gattuso, from coming. Mathieu Flamini who allegedy carried out a unprovoked attack on a Croatian citizen cannot be prevented from travelling as he has already had his wrist slapped lightly for the offence.
(Contact: Be very

Police sources confirm that a case of discrimination raised by members of a sporting organisation in North London have been referred on to the Race Relations committee. It concerns an Irish citizen who has already had his membership put on hold and a Russian who claims that he is being refused admission despite having all the correct documentation, in favour of two Englishmen whose qualifications are strikingly inferior. We await further developments on this matter.

The police would also like to deny a report of an increase in daylight robberies. Increasing reports are being received about crime where officials are turning a blind eye to major infringements. But statistics show that the such claims have been constant over the past 150 yrs.
'Twas ever thus' a senior officer remarked.
(To view the full stats (contact:
or contact Steve Bruce or Mick McCarthy direct.

If you have any information on these matters do please contact us. Like the Russian gentleman we are waiting for your call.