Now we've really got someone to blame and hate.
Forget Pav and JJ; Harry, Levy, Joe Lewis, Lammy, Karen Brady and Haringey Council. Forget them all and concentrate on Mr. M. Cairns, up from Somerset and distracted obviously by the heady atmosphere of the Royal Wedding weekend.
I'd give you his e-mail address but I'm not sure I wouldn't be a party in the first part to his gruesome demise. Death by a thousand stinging electronic messages.
Forget the Gomes' blunder, which didn't go in anyway; forget Van der Vaart playing everywhere on the pitch apart from second striker in support of Pavluchenko. Forget Lennon, Kaboul and Bale all featuring in the 'Observer's flops of the week column' and rightly so. Turn your laser- like bile on Mr.Michael Cairns the referee's assistant.
Instead of echoing Mr.A.Wenger's cry of, 'I didn't see it',
in answer to the referees question,
' Did you see it?
He replied 'Yes'.
In answer to the question, 'Was it a goal?'
he replied, 'Yes'.
In answer to the question, 'Are you sure?'
he replied 'Yes'.
Subsequent replays showed this to be untrue. Mr. Cairns could no more see whether the ball had crossed the line than the referee. The ball had not crossed the line.
The prosecution case rests M'Lud
'Guilty as charged. Take him down'
Within 10 seconds everyone at Stamford Bridge knew this; every pundit and their dog was aware that a great injustice had been perpetrated and probably the whole of Mankind across the World. But in the world of football that which has been wrongly done cannot be undone. It can in rugby,tennis,and cricket but not in football.
A minute before half time and Chelsea go in level. Thanks Cairnsy. Cheers Mr.Mariner. What's it feel like to cost THFC £30 million? What does it feel like to be the most hated men across the Spurs blogosphere? Reviled from JimmyG2 to Harry Hotspur; from Foxy to Spooky and all the way back
Fast forward to 2 minutes before full-time,don't ever say that Spurs don't do late dramatics, the fickle finger of fate picks us out again. Chelsea win and stay in the title race with an offside goal. Marginal but offside as the white line on the pundits analysis charts clearly shows.
Now forget that our recent form has not been good enough in any case; that Liverpool have already overhauled us; that far from achieving the Champions' League we might not even get the consolation prize of the Europa. Blame it all on Mr.Michael Cairns: known to his friends as Mike. Not in N.17 obviously. Voodoo dolls and pins will soon be available from the Spurs shop.
Ignore our appalling record against bottom half teams; our strikers miserable record; our tragic injury record and our appalling failure to buy the players we need; and focus on Mr Michael Cairns, who is the root and cause of all our troubles.
If you want a scapegoat then look no further. They've always been against us: referees; referee's assistants; fourth officials; Uefa; the FA; But we can take it; in fact that's how we like it. Forget Harry's tactical naivety; his strange substitutions; our lack o f squad rotation; our failure to rest players when they needed it and focus on the villain of the piece, the source of all our woes; Mr Michael Cairns.
No-one could argue that we deserved to win. But we certainly didn't deserve to lose particularly in that manner. Modric, Sandro and Van Der Vaart played some nice approach work but the goal was our only shot on target in the whole match.
Harry had been trying to get Sandro to drop deeper for some minutes and it looked as if the boy got a good telling off for being in a scoring position. Either that or Harry was not impressed with the chicken celebration. What’s the Portuguese for 'Never mind scoring I didn't put you on to score goals.' But he just wasn't listening Harry.
We saw off Torres who was poor and were thankful that Drogba was stationed out on the right until the closing minutes. By then we had pitched our tents on the edge of the six yard box and Drogba was not to be denied with a powerful attack through the middle. If Drogba had been on our side then I think we might have won.
Harry's dignity in defeat in the face of adversity was in marked contrast to the attitude of the Chelsea fans.
'There's no sweeter feeling than beating Spurs and it's even funnier that one of our goals didn't cross the line and the other was offside. Hilarious.' (Tony Glover Chelsea blogger in the Observer)
I'd like to believe that no Spurs fan could write that at least not for public consumption outside the humid, festering, hot-house and partisan world of blogging or in the pub with your mates after a couple or six. If that's the attitude bred by buying success courtesy of a billionaire I pray that we don't ever fall prey to one.
So Mr. Cairns if we don't finish in the top half it's all your fault and I hope you're proud of yourself.
In fact if Harry gets the sack it's all down to you. If Modric and Bale leave that's on your slate too, and you probably had something to do with us not getting the Olympic Stadium but I haven’t quite put my finger on exactly how you did it.
But wait here's a thought.
' Hallo. Inspector? Jimmy G2 here. You know that spate of shed break-ins down the allotments?
Well I've had a tip off about the mastermind behind it all. Michael Cairns. That's C.A.I.R.N.S.
Not at all, my pleasure.