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Saturday, 21 May 2011

The Reign at the Lane: the Greg Meyer column.

And now from deepest Kent a man who needs no introduction, so I'm not going to give him one, the Founder and President of the Luka Modric and the Ledley King Preservation Societies, your very own,  Mr.Greg Meyer.
Sunday22 May 2011.

The World's Best Actor And the World's Best Detective Spend Survival Sunday At White Hart Lane ... Knights Of The Realm Both.
Season ticket holders when football was football both Sir Laurence Olivier and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle will be there in spirit on Sunday for the Battle of Birmingham. Both celebrating birthdays as well.
Here at our Kent pub we are no stranger to battles galore . The battle of Britain was our home ground. It probably feels almost as much a last ditch stand for Birmingham fans in their relegation dogfight at the Lane on Sunday. Our lawyer thinks that if the real Spurs turn up then ITV Thursday night ratings next year are assuredly high. Europa, probably hooray.
More on Sunday later. This week saw the traditional end of season gathering at the Kent Pub Ballroom for  ...
The Annual Season Ending Kent Pub Oscars.
Mine host has prepared the pub a treat. Marvellous what you can do with a couple of portable but palatial Marquees. These have your windows galore. A truly fitting venue for the gathered assemblage suitably entertained by very traditional Kent balladeers.
Copious quantities of fine English ale and a sumptuous feast of Kent's finest all lead up to our guest Master of Cermonies taking to the stage for the eagerly awaited nominations and then winners.
Gone are the Players awards, Gareth Bale anyone, and gone to are that other one with Scotty "I don't ever look very happy" Parker being voted best. No these carefully conducted awards are the result of hours of toil, drinking, toil, drinking, and finally getting round to collating the multiplicity of scribblings mainly on well used beer coasters so as to provide a well informed(joking not waving) verdict on a sensational Spurs season.
And now to the envelopes ...
The Elephant In The Room Award.
Nominations included Sebastion Bassong, yes he has African origins and yes Harry seemed blissfully aware of his great stuff last year, but no there were others.
Jermaine Defoe nominated himself this week. Demanding more game time but conveniently overlooking some basic mathematics. Four goals in a season is hardly frontline stuff. Yes some injury concerns but its not the old Jermaine when he does appear.
So if not Jermaine then whose name is in the envelope.
Come on down Niko Kranjcar. The Croatian midfielder in the room but rarely seen on the pitch. Some useful goals last year. This year despite a relative goal drought Harry chose to overlook the Croatian Pantechnicon. Shame because his goals were needed.
Our banker reckons his greatest asset is that along with Vedran Corluka he keeps our greatest asset, one Luka, happy and enjoying his time at Tottenham.
The London and Birmingham Water Board Award.
A jointly sponsored effort with the criteria mainly centred around excellence with the use of water and an ability to promote one's self no matter what.
This years winner was a standout. No real runners up. His judicious use of water in a celebratory medium was particularly profound Yes not completely well received nor understood by the managerial recipient. But all at our pub thought it quite a lark.
The ejection of a large bucket of H2O ,all over Harry Redknapp at Manchester Citeh late last season by one David Bentley was well received throughout the land save down Bournmouth way at a certain Sandbanks residence.
David is now driving a water cart at Birmingham. Perhaps that should be a water carrier somewhere in the midfield.
The Walt Disney Cartoon Award.
This award was founded by the Brothers Grimm. Those well known spinners of fairy tales. Now carving out a living at a tabloidal newspaper.
Previous winners included the authors of "Figo to The Lane" and " Wesley Sneider Signs For Spurs." Some formidable tabloidal stuff there. What came close.
Not a lot this year to be fair.A succession of strikers were signing in the January transfer window without success. Bale to Milan cropped up regularly. Still the silly season is just about . Stay tuned
Our pub are confident despite all the Modric to Manchester headlines coming up that our Croation wonderkid will still be here for our title tilt next year.
The Royal Society Of Physiotherapists Blue Ribbon.
As usual a very popular award. Record entries as usual. Some long term malingerers. The ocasional quicker than expected departure from the Society treatment rooms was also a happy sight.
Nominations included the boy Bale. According to Harry he has toughened up and not so prone these days. Our journalist agrees and still wonders how Charlie Adams got away with that tackle. Lee Probert was reffing. Of course. That was the day if you did not break a leg then the card stayed firmly in pocket. It's not as though Adam did not have form. Had several spells of suspension because of an accumulation of cards. Good news is that Gareth is back sooner.Not as bad as first thought.
Other nominations included the square peg in a Scottish round hole, Alan Hutton. Does not seem to fit anymore. Lots of others had spells out but mainly short term or recovered.
Our mystery MC has the envelope in hand. A sad duty but the winner is ...
        Jonathon Woodgate.  He won despite trying relentlessly to overcome a serious injury.It does not look like any hope of return. Very sad given his undoubted quality and most telling his ceasless efforts to overcome his injury. Not everyone goes to Australia nor America.
Good luck Woody and thanks from some great football.
The evening is fast coming to an end. Still lots of trophies to award including the Howard Webb Cup. There may not be time but there is still ...
The Life Time Achievement Award.
Probably the hardest one of all to win. A combination of class, quality, dedication, and sheer Spurs running through your very being is a minimum prerequisite.
This years winner has shown perfect timing throughout his career. Perfect timing in the tackle. perfect timing and perfect sense in his positional play. Just lately that perfect timing coincided with a return to action at just the right time.
Yep against Liverpool where Spurs recorded a clean sheet and their first win at Anfield in nearly 301 years approximately.
Say no more. Come on down ...
     Ledley King.
His Anfield performance means he will see out the last year on his contract next year. Perhaps the football gods will shine and allow a useful amount of games so that we can enjoy a last season in the style that he deserves.
Spurs Royalty. One King Ledley.
Been at Spurs all his football life. Fitting that he ends it at the Lane. Certainly a hope shared by one and all here ...
At A Kent Pub.
Liverpool is a fading but surprising memory. Some here thought the game was up after Citeh. But no that's our Spurs. Europa in our hands.
Just our luck to land in the middle of a relegation dogfight. Still as our teacher points out. Its at the Lane.
Last game is always special. Hope when Luka, Rafael, Ledley and your special favourite do the post game lap of honour we have a win under our belts.
Been a great season. looks like being even better next year if ...
Cheers ..  George Best has a birthday today ... played with the gusto and reckless spirit that epitomises our classy Spurs ... would have fitted in well ... useful as well versus Birmingham ....
                                                                 Greg Meyer ...                 coys.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Who won the Howard Webb Trophy ... great read.

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