The Blog that's not always wrong.

Friday, 5 August 2011

Problems at the Lane? The Greg Meyer solution

Wogan’s Birthday Wednesday 3 August 2011.
Spurs Striker Problem … A Real Solution.

The window opened 34 days ago leaving 28 days left. The name on most lips most often and least wanted there has of course been a certain Croatian midfielder. The name most want is one of those “three fantastic signings” referred to by the manager. A striker of goals galore , at least one of. Nothing nearly yet.
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So what’s gone wrong thus far.  Surely with such an astute negotiator as our Chairman , ably backed up by a well recognised wheeler dealer then the blame lies elsewhere. Our pub has looked at this problem from both the top and bottom of the glass. Buggar half full. The answer quite obviously lies in the approach by our current advertising campaign. Sack the current mob.
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We suggest a placement with a leading advertising agency might assist. A fortunate coincidence, some might say a convenient truth, emerges with one such eminently reputable firm just happening to have a branch office convenient to our pub.
Mess’rs Doublespeak, Hacker, Spin & Bowler come highly credentialed and will tackle the problem head on.
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There are obvious problems with the current Transfer Brochure mail out . Certainly didn’t impress Mr. Vucinic nor Mr Rossi. Probably needed a version in English for both as a starter. More on the brochure in a minute. 
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Firstly we did seem to start the window on the back foot courtesy of the little midfielders concerns. To revisit concerns ranging from poultry on the shirt to Croatian tv viewing habits please refresh here I Have A Copy Of Luka Modric’s Transfer Request | Harry Hotspur (Cntrl + Click). Thanks Harry H.
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Letters going out To Senor Fernando Llorente, perhaps again to Mr Rossi and others of the goalscoring fraternity have enclosed our new brochure which directly attempts to assuage some concerns touted publicly by your tabloidal media.
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The infamous “ No like chicken on badge” is directly addressed. That’s no chook but in true Spurs tradition a proud assertive fighting cockerel feared far and wide in the fighting rings of France and beyond.
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Wages and lack of have been mentioned. Surely not the be all and end all. Think of the fringe benefits available at Spurs. Access to hire of the club DVD recorder at a nominal price is but one feature. Whilst particularly popular on Thursday evenings there are lots to go round. That solves the Eastenders problem. What better way to relax than a replay of the English cultural icon after a hectic 90 minutes at the Lane.
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Another Spurs special is your very own gilt edged fountain pen, all yours on signing. Really useful for signing tricky agreements. Any gentleman would be proud to own such a pen.
Unlimited access to the Chairman’s private pool goes without saying. Long term occupant Mr. L. King is available in case you cannot swim.
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Triffic you say. And well you might. But what does it mean. No doubt you have heard of our world famous Learn to Speak English classes. Top of the class last year was young Roman Pavlyuchenko.
Roman looks like staying for another year of classes. His tall circus man striking mate is touted to be off to QPR or whoever. See no problems there then.
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So there you have it. No problems at all. Oh the little stadium. Never fear the new brochure shows you a rather marvellous new White hart lane on the horizon.
Golightly and Co have rehashed the original brochure shown below with particular attention to reworking the cover page.
The original brochure was a welcome to North London and perhaps not entirely appealing even if in some parts its accurate..