The Blog that's not always wrong.

Sunday, 27 May 2012

Is it safe to come out yet?

 Emile Heskey has become available.
Be afraid, be very afraid.

The JimmyG2 Column
 Hallo my fellow Spurs fans. Is it safe to come out during the day yet? My initial optimism as I looked into the future immediately after the Champions' League débâcle has been slowly ebbing away and I find myself drowning in a curious lethargy with regard to THFC and the new season.

I have made a few visits to my favourite fan sites and left increasingly negative and cynical messages wrapped up in my customary double edged humour so that readers are unsure whether I mean it or not. I mean it I assure you. Uncle Grumpy has returned with a vengeance.

I usually get this way as the ITK brigade escape from their coffins at the midnight hour with tales of wondrous signings, not yet quite completed: Remy, Vertonghen, Adebayor, Hazard, Kone, Hoilett, Silvestre ( no not that one) Diarra (yep that one), Leandro ( I know, I know) Paban, Asamoah, Dembele, Rode and dozens of others too numerous to mention.

Most irritating is the current trend for cryptic clues which makes their nonsense even more opaque. Perhaps I will feel a little better when the fates of Modric and Bale are settled and we make our first signing unless it's Emile Heskey who has become available and fits the profile of a recent Harry recruit: well over 30 and very cheap.

Apparently Emile has made more England appearances than Robbie Fowler, Matt Le Tissier and Stan Colleymore combined. (Barney Ronay in the Guardian). Let's hope that England's reliance on a big fella up front will end when Rooney returns. At least we have been spared this form of crudity at Spurs lately. I don't count Crouch who couldn't hustle his way out of a wet paper bag.

My temper is not improved by the news that Platini will consider changes to the cruel system that promotes the Champions' League winner over the fourth placed Premiership team: but not for a minimum of three years. Similarly goal line technology is coming too late to aright the wrongs of seasons gone by.

On a brighter note Daniel Levy has been co-opted by the Coalition Government and the European Community to advise on their 'Growth through Austerity' plans. We've been employing this philosophy for several years and DL is an acknowledged expert. Read his pamphlet, 'Twenty seven ways to get blood out of a stone' for further insight.

Of course we have yet another new era of England football to sustain us through the dog days of summer. But if the Norway game is anything to go by it's going to be pretty thin fare. Ashley Young the pick of England's players scored the only goal and the dummy he sold to Hangeland looked as if it had been paid for by money in a brown envelope.

You couldn't tell whether the fans were calling out 'Engerland' or 'Hangeland' as a thankyou. We were dull and pedestrian particularly in midfield and even Our Man On the Spot, Scotty could not raise the interest level. Carroll, who was widely praised for his performance must be one of the the worst players ever to represent England. If you don't agree your suggestions are welcome. If he behaved like that on the High Street he'd be arrested for foul language and assault.

He was boisterous and clumsy and might struggle to get a game on Hackney Marshes, although I haven't been over there for some years and the standards might have deteriorated since I last played there, in the 50's. Downing is ineligible as a suggestion for the worst player by the way as that makes the competition too easy. My Cocker Spaniel is no less enthusiastic but just a little bit more skillful than Stuart.

So to cut a long story short nothing much is happening, apart from the European Championship, the Jubilee, and the Olympics of course. Incidentally wasn't it nice to watch England without any Chelsea players in the team. Terry was still recovering from the Champions' League final even though he had been banned from playing in it.

 I sometimes wonder about the people who run football in this country. And not just the football either.

 Video spot.
3 minutes 48 seconds of the highlights of the Norway game. If only the match had been that long. Good cross from Downing for the early miss by Carroll. Clumsy assist by Carroll and terrible defending by Hangeland.


Anonymous said...

Couldnt give a flying fuck about England anymore tbh.
Levy has a golden chance to ease our pain and that is by buying some new players in early but he cant even fork out a few extra pounds for what would be a 25m player in Vertonghen. Sort it out Levy, get a ffing grip and snap him up quick. Otherwise next season you and Redknapp will be receiving some stick.

Anonymous said...

Could'nt agree more. Here's a great player who actually want's to play for us more than any other club (phucking priceless). A future legend. If we can't afford him, just put the ticket prices up, oh sorry you already have. JUST BUY HIM, COYS.

Anonymous said...

Next season to finish 4th or higher Levy needs to grow a pair buy Vertonghen flog Modric for lots of money as over rated prefer dsandro plus the thud will be back then buy a good goalkeeper and striker, sell of all the deadwood which means we can keep Ade and Bale a left back wouldn't go a miss and finally hunt down a true top manger

Anonymous said...

You p*&s taking s*^t. Just what do you know about football anyway? Those players out there last night sweated bllod for their country and sang their hearts out during our Queens national anthem. We've never had it so good!


IKnowAlanGilzean said...

Do the ITKs ever say quite whom it is that they know?

Vertonghen or not Vertonghen is looking like a very early acid test. I'm sure Modric et al are looking at what we do with this one as intently as we are.

Ed Moloney said...

All converts to the cause welcome, Jimmy G2, even those who see the light while trapped in a foxhole!

JimmyG2 said...

First Anon posters.
Vertonghen. couldn't agree more.
And get Caulker back to play under Ledley's
watchful eye.

Anon 19.30
You'll be lucky if that comes to pass
Keeping Ade would be a good step.
Modric would be a big loss but the return of Huddlestone could be important.

ITK's don't know who their own fathers are.

Ed Maloney
Which twisted and probably perverted cause is that? Sounds like a cryptic ITK clue.
Don't rush me I'm working on it.

Ed Moloney said...

Why, Jimmy G2, the cause that believes something is, if not rotten then badly amiss in the kingdom of Denmark, or maybe just N17!

Ed Moloney said...

Ref Carroll. The nearest equivalent I can think of who pulled on an England sweater was Bobby Smith. But in comparison, Smith was a graceful ballerina to Carroll's carthorse. To such depths has English football now sunk.

Ed Moloney said...

More from Denmark/N17. This will cheer you up Jimmy!

JimmyG2 said...

ED Molony.
Growth through Austerity in action.
It's a wind up Ed. Just agent speak talking up the price.Hence the Arsenal threat. Hopefully.
Levy wouldn't dare let this one slip away. Would he? Eeek!

Ed Moloney said...

Slowly but surely Jimmy you're getting closer to spelling my name right! A couple of more tries and you should be there! Just like the fella from Ajax!

JimmyG2 said...

Edna Malarky.
Now we are as far away as ever

who framed ruel fox? said...

You write wonderfully when you're grumpy, Jim.

Don't go-a-changing on our account.

As for Heskey, we could do worse. We could buy a barrel and fill it with rocks.

Ed Moloney said...

Is this the longest, slowest transfer negotiation in history? What's wrong with Levy?

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