You couldn't make it up

Chelsea ahoy: Straighten her up now Andres

 or we'll be going back where we came from. 

The JimmyG2 Column

Just a quick round-up of ongoing news stories, rumours and total rubbish, a somewhat overlapping set of categories I'm afraid, emerging during the reality famine known as the International Break. Is it just me or do they seem longer and more frequent to you?

Benoit Assou Ekotto to Chelsea:

Well at least they didn't resort to their favourite swap scenario. Apart from the fact that Benny would seem temperamentally unsuited to life at the Bridge being a man of principal and that Chelsea have literally squillions to spend on any full back in the world. They also happen to have have a ready made replacement in the current under 21 and England left back Ryan Bertrand should Ashley fail to screw a wage increase out of Abramvo.

We rate this as: Very unlikely

Bale as bad as Suarez at diving.

Actually that should be 'as good as Suarez at diving'. But as Maloney admits he did clip our Gareth during the Scotland game this nag falls at the first fence. Not that the Welsh Wonderboy fresh from beating Scotland single-handed doesn't need to clean up his act a little. He's not diving he's taking evasive action but he would say that...

We rate this as: almost impossible

Bale to Real Madrid.

This has a little more legs, or even more little legs.. This is the advice given by Davor Sukor who is a Croatian and once a very fine player for Real Madrid and...wait for it, Arsenal. Are you getting my train of thought here? Hang on Luka I'm sending you my Manic Street Preachers albums while you wait for Gareth.

We rate this as: 'quite possible but not just yet, please God'.

Spurs to have 3 players in the England line up against Poland.

Nope I don't think so. Rooney and Welbeck will start with our man Defoe on the bench. Johnson and Milner will return despite a fine display by Lennon and Walker against San Morino. Mr Hodgson is a man that folds up his underpants every night and is therefor unlikely to do anything rash or exciting. Oh sorry. How was I to know that you did too?

Our verdict: this is a Non Starter.

 

Arsenal to pinch Leandro Daimiao in January.

After chasing him for the last 3 windows this has a sort of horrible inevitability about it. Now that Adebayor has booked his place in the Africa Cup in January we are going to be somewhat exposed in the striking department. More stark naked than exposed in fact. We judge this as:

an ill founded rumour which could just happen.

Daily Mail are warming to Spurs:

Read their interview with Ledley King and pause for thought. Interesting, touching and with no anti Tottenham agenda. It's full of quotes too which you would expect in an interview but this is the Daily Mail after all. We judge this as:

Apparently possible

Spurs v Chelsea is make or break for AVB and Spurs.

And probably Barack Obama; the Coalition,; Europe and World Peace. But I only read the first paragraph of that one. Its three points the same as any other game. It would be lovely for AVB and just in so many ways if we could win it. It would be useful for Spurs to maintain our momentum if we could win it. But make or break certainly not. We judge this:

Overblown hyperbollocks (And predict a cagey 1-1 draw)

You couldn't make it up. Oh they just did.

Jimmy's Video Spot:
Just in case Chelsea are watching we conclude this silly season round up with another bit of nonsense. Benny keeps his dignity in the face of severe pressure from a Tottenham fan. Just who did he beat to get the chance to challenge Benny? And incidentally which would you rather have, £10 million or Mr. Ekotto? Not you, you fools, Tottenham.