A bird? A plane? Don't be ridiculous, that's our Gareth.
The JimmyG2 Column
Hello folks and welcome to another instalment of the ' 90 minutes at home with Gareth Bale Show' featuring a goal, another goal and almost but not quite more goals. He scored two against Newcastle to secure the points that saw us briefly in third: he missed another much easier chance and had two efforts well saved by Krul.
He so dominated the match that other players barely get a mention in the reports. In fact he so dominated the reports that some are worrying that perhaps we are becoming so dependent on the boy that it is harmful for the team. Apparently it's Gareth Bale that's in the running for top four not THFC.
Eh what! Barcelona don't fret about the contribution of Messi: they admire and celebrate it. Real Madrid don't worry about yet another Ronaldo hat-trick: they relish it and look forward to the rewards they might bring.
In any case football is a team game and I don't fancy Lionel's, Christiano's or Gareth's chances if they go out on the pitch on their own. Not that I think it was one of our better performances. Dawson was terrific at the back doing his usual Captain's leading from the front role. A neat trick for a centre half.
He was unfortunate to deflect the ball past Lloris for the goal, another candidate for runner up in the MOM stakes. It's what the on course bookmakers do when there's a racing certainty. 'Betting without the favourite' and Baler is an odds on candidate for MOM lately.
So no disputing the runaway winner this week. His strength, his speed, his touch, his skill and his determination put him four or five times into scoring positions and the fact that he missed with his right foot gives other mere humans hope for advancement. He could even afford to joke about it after the match.
So while AVB plots how to keep him, Daniel Levy is carefully working out how much each goal puts on his value ready for the bidding to begin at the end of the season.
'Just form an orderly queue there gentlemen. May I start the bidding at £50 million? £50 million thank you. £50 million I have'.
We couldn't have given him away when Harry first came. Twenty or more appearances without a win: from hoodoo to gold mine in a couple of seasons. Of course the hope is that if we make Champions' League he might give us another season unless Daniel can't stop himself from taking the cash while the boy is hot.
And talking of hot Gareth, Madrid is no place in the summer for a young baby. But enough of the phenomenon that is The Boy Bale. There were other Tottenham players out there.
Dembele seems to be carrying an injury; Dempsey is not a natural line leader and Scotty, though his timing and mobility are still improving, his passing was usual combination of the good, the bad and the ugly.
Caulker was sounder than of late and Aaron snapped and crackled now and again but failed to pop. Holtby started and showed what an asset he is going to be. He was set up by a classic Lennon lay-off but failed to hit the target. But he was energetic and enterprising and full of promise once again.
Naughton who was mysteriously playing out of position once again did ok until replaced late on by Benny who was perhaps being rested for Thursday. Walker was better than of late going forward.Vertonghen was rested completely and stayed on the bench.
Newcastle's approach play was good but Lloris only had to make one serious save late on and though the possession was only slightly in our favour overall we made more chances and had more shots, on and off target, and deserved the win.
We didn't play particularly well but closed them down quickly and prevented them from playing. Their goal demonstrated how quickly they could strike. Pardew asserted that Bale was the difference and on this occasion he might well have a point.
We are now unbeaten in ten and Europa excitement looms against Lyon this week and next. It would be a pity if Lloris misses out on a game against his old club and I expect him to start the game in France at least. I think that we will beat them at The Lane but calling the overall result is beyond my pay grade. Tottenham to win 3-2 overall.
A breather then from Premiership activity until the 25th February when we travel to West Ham. Another win and draw at least at home against Arsenal should see us well set up for the final run in. Fourth is on the cards and perhaps better. In AVB ((and Bale) we trust.What to do with a player like Emmanuel Adebayor?
Well if he can't get back from Africa in a week and you're desperate for strikers then you hire a private jet for him obviously. He hadn't trained and missed the agreed deadline set by AVB so he was made to sit on the bench for 69 minutes in the cold. A punishment of sorts I suppose.
Personally I suspect that he's having a laugh and in the name of Head Coach authority and team spirit and morale I would not have selected him at all. It would have demonstrated to all the players that it's the team that is important and no single player is above any of the others. Strikers or no strikers.
Another 20 minutes wouldn't have cost us the game and an important marker would have been drawn in the sand.
Jimmy's Video Spot:
Fed up with Gareth Bale? Then do not under any circumstances watch the following video. Avoid it, do something else. He's not bad though if you just want to have a sneaky look. He might just do a Ryan Giggs or a Jamie Carragher and stay with us for the rest of his career. 10 years will do Gareth. But it's not the modern way unfortunately.