Number 51: Do it in style, Kyle.
The JimmyG2 Column.
.Chas and Dave have got together to update the 70's Paul Simon hit '50 Ways to Leave Your Lover' with a Tottenham version called '50 ways to really frustrate your fans and make victories seem like losses'.
Now Paul actually only came up with five ways but Tottenham are much more creative than that. But not in a good way.
It's out on ' Heartbreak' Records and the release date is April 1st. Lyrics include 'Slip up at the back Jan' and 'Make a new plan, Mauricio man'.
The game against Leicester went more or less to plan. 3 points against the team at the bottom of the league. And never forget the table doesn't lie. Leicester are bottom for all sorts of reasons and will get relegated whatever Nigel Pearson says about bad luck and poor refereeing.
So an early goal and then the Spurs supporters normal fervent hope a second both by Mr. Harry Kane who makes his debut for England later in the week. Just a ten minute cameo I expect but still the best of luck to the boy.
All this in the first 12 minutes. The first was a tap in following a corner ; the second an in-off a defender which I think has been credited to him. Now the fans could relax and enjoy the formalities. Not just the crowd unfortunately.
Clearly Nigel and Leicester hadn't read the script. Before the hour was up they were level. A quick breakaway and an unmarked defender from a corner. Items 24 and 27 on the '50 ways' Tottenham list.
But the football gods took pity on us in our despair and Harry gets his hat-trick with a cool penalty following a push on Rose in the area. With the withdrawal of Sturridge he might get 20 minutes after all.
Then Paulinho, surprisingly good, mainly due due to our low expectations, sets up Eriksen who signals the required pass but a heavy touch leads to a mix up with Schlupp and Schmeichel.The gods are still smiling and the ball ends up in the net.
Two deflections already. What can possibly go wrong. Well here comes item 3, a complete nonsense by a defender. Not by Walker either who has sections all to himself in the 50 ways list. (45/47).
This time it's by captain Jan Vertonghen wherein lies another tale of woe. Keeper put in hospital by own defender within a minute of the start. Actually I think that's a new one for the list. 51 up and counting. Do it in style, Kyle.
Lloris is rumoured to be not as badly injured as first feared and should be back for the Villa game on April 11th. Number 28 on the list is injuries taking much longer than predicted to heal. Don't hold your breaths.
We play out time for a 4-3 victory. I use the word loosely. And so the saga of the Premiership top four 2014/15 goes on. Man.Utd did themselves no harm by beating Liverpool and probably us no good either.
On the bright side we now have five in the England squad, four of them home grown. I think getting injured playing for England is 20th on the list but as they won't get more than an hour between them we should be OK this time out.
If you get on lads. Make Jimmy proud:
'Play like a lion, Ryan': 'Show them who's boss, Andros'
'I'm a really big fan, Dan': 'Don't dilly dally, Harry'.
Kyle Walker: nuff said.
Incidentally No.1 on the list is out-playing the opposition and failing to put our chances away.
But we didn't do that against Leicester. We had more possession but they had more shots on target.
Which prompts the question,'Why are you shooting so badly, Chadli?'.
Jimmy's Video Spot:
The original 50 ways by Paul Simon.
Some very apt lines: 'The problem is all inside your head': 'It grieves me so to see you in such pain'
Plenty of rhythm here. Perhaps we could borrow some.
Anyway we're getting there slowly and I am a very patient supporter.
Cheer up it's not so grim, Jim.