Get out of that!
Apparently Harry is so critical of the standard of the current Premiership and in order to prove his credentials for the England managership he has set Spurs a higher standard of play and success this season. He has designed a special set of hoops for the boys to jump through. Daniel has agreed because it will take the fans' minds off his dastardly double and treble dealing over the Olympic Stadium which is now the favourite venue for the new 'Stratford, just down the road from Tottenham, Hotspur'. It's the economics stupid.
The agreed code is as follows:
Firstly, we must contrive to miss all penalties. This instruction has clearly gone out to all players although we are going to run out of absurdly highly paid professionals who can convincingly miss from 12yds. We might find that like Real Madrid we start to get red cards for wasting time, or refs just won't bother to award them to us, just like the old days.
Secondly, any player showing real ability is to be withdrawn injured, preferably in the first half and if at all possible in the first ten minutes. If it doesn't work first time keep playing them until they collapse and have to be shot on the pitch and hauled off by the groundstaff. Subject to redefinition of terms and conditions of employment and the payment of a suitable fee.
Thirdly, opponents should be given at least a two goal start wherever possible. We tried hard against Liverpool but only managed to concede one which made it a somewhat uneven contest.
Fourthly, and this is a new one: all match winning goals should be as late and as dramatic as possible.
Despite all these handicaps we have won the last four games; gone behind 8 times but won 5 and drawn 1 of these games. It's clearly not enough Harry. What about leg-irons like the old chain gangs? Or putting Modric in goal? What about swapping Crouch and Kaboul? Come to think of it that might work. I think that a little more thought and originality should go into this process otherwise the Champions' league and the Premiership are going to be a walk-over. Playing Modric at all in any position smacks to me of taking unfair advantage in any case.
Clearly this state of affairs just can't go on, our gloating smiles are going to be wiped off our faces if we continue on this bizarre course and possibly quite soon, probably at Birmingham next week. Spurs have always done things the hard way but that used to involve dominating the play, even going ahead, making 276 chances, and losing to a set piece or two in the last ten minutes.
I understand the thinking behind this and sympathise with your problems, Harry and Daniel but can we try doing it the easy way for a change? It all reminds me of the great Hungarian escapologist Houdini interestingly another 'Harry'. You know the one, not content to just escape from a sealed box in 30ft of water, first he had to be handcuffed wrapped in a straight jacket, the box bound with ship's anchor chain and the tank filled with piranha fish and starving crocodiles.
I exaggerate for effect but you see my point. Interestingly if you google 'Houdini' Harry Redknapp's face comes up on the images page. Against Liverpool we fulfilled all of Harry's conditions and emerged triumphant; up to fifth place, a point off the Top Four, 6pts off the actual top,and 11 points off the relegation zone which is a far better situation than a month ago. Winning certainly helps.
Liverpool will whinge about the result but their attempts to kick Bale and Modric off the park brings them little sympathy from actual football fans This is not the Liverpool of old and though they have replaced the over aggressive Mascherano they have plenty of candidates for his crown. They out-fouled us by 17/6 and got 5 yellow cards to our none for their endeavours. Quite an achievement on our part in a more than competitive match.
Lennon scored by taking his chance early: if Torres (twice) and Maxi had done the same we might have been 3-0 down early in the second half. In the end we out-footballed them, especially Modric. I have to admit that the winning goal was route one although I don't think that Crouch got anything on the ball that Lennon took in his stride; Konchesky's had set his alarm but it didn't ring. I think it came off the centre-half hustled into the mistake by Crouch's presence. Not that it matters, Crouch can have the assist and welcome. I’m just interested in how a piece of mis-information gets established and becomes a fact.
Do I have to say that Bale was a threat? that Bassong came on played with calm authority alongside a still improving Gallas and made two fantastic interceptions; that Lennon took his goal well but went AWOL for most of the game; that Palacios overcame a terrible first half to play well and all credit to him; five of his first six passes were misdirected.
Harry, you have nothing to prove so please let's try doing it the easy way: score early, finish them off by half-time then let the 'olays' ring out for the last 45 minutes. You know it make sense and my doctor muttering about 'arrhythmic abnormalities of the heart tending to tachycardia' would certainly agree.
Round one to Harry in the battle for the England managership. Poor Roy had to admit that it was a great game for the 'neutrals'. Who cares about the neutrals?